Heart to Heart
by Starza
Summary: A small trilogy with an indepth look on Tsuzuki and Hisoka's relationship. What happens when Tsuzuki confesses a secret to Hisoka? How does Hisoka handle it? TsuzukixHisoka, hintings of TatsumixTsuzuki.
1. Prologue

**Author's notes:**  Well, I put the blame of this story on Akiya.  :P

Let me explain the idea to this fic.  This entire fic will run as a trilogy, as it's divided into three parts, along with a prologue and an epilogue.  The focus is around Tsuzuki and Hisoka's relationship and how it MAY progress after the manga (This is based mainly on the manga, but you CAN still read this and enjoy it as there's almost no manga spoilers, besides the characters mentioned and a few key points), and it's post-Kyoto, but pre-Gensou-Kai.

More than likely, the rating will go up, but for right now, it's fine.

The idea of this fic came over at my sister's forums and the idea morphed into a small trilogy.  Right now, I am probably going to work on this and go back to 'Mending and Melting of Hearts'.

Feedback and critiques are craved especially.  :D  Especially with the prologue, as part 1 was written AFTER the prologue and I got almost no feedback on it and it's un-betaed.  :(  I'd like to thank Rinoa Redcloak for beta reading my first part.  ^_^

Disclaimers:  I don't own Tsuzuki, Hisoka, Tatsumi, and any other Yami characters or places.  ;_;  They're not mine and I only amuse myself with my pathetic writing.

Anyways, on with the fic.

Prologue 

Typical days… Normal days…  
  
Days that seemed to run the same day in and day out. The occasional argument between rivals, the occasional slap on the head, the occasional threat of cutting people's salaries, the occasional explosion coming from the laboratory down the hall, the occasional squeal from two girls determined to dress someone up like a girl, the occasional headaches, the occasional whining about sweets.  
  
But those days were gone forever. Things would never be the same again. They could never be the same, not after what happened.   
  
The memory of what happened was still clear in everyone's mind. How close they were to losing something that could never be replaced. How close true death, a second death, was knocking on everyone's door. The intensity of the situation had scared everyone so much, to the point where they all now had to question every single action they took from day in and day out.  
  
What would drive someone to their second death? Especially someone who seemed like he had no care in the world. What could cause a person to question their self worth, especially when there were people around that someone who obviously cared about them?  
  
Things had to change. Whether people liked it or not.  
  
That's the conclusion that Hisoka Kurosaki had finally come to realize, despite the way things around the Shokan Division seemed. Being empathic had its advantages in this case. The overall impression of Tsuzuki's near second suicidal attempt had affected everyone, including himself.  
  
All this time, he thought he knew Tsuzuki, his childlike partner. He was used to his smiles and his 'puppy eye pout' (as people liked to call it) and his obsession with sweets and butting into everyone else's business to help. That seemed like the perfect description for the nearly one hundred year old Shinigami.  
  
Yet, the above description was so grossly wrong, that a bitter smile made its way across Hisoka's lips. That's the perfect image that people had of Tsuzuki. If anything, Hisoka now knew about his partner was that he was a very good actor.  
  
It didn't help that Tsuzuki had naturally strong shields around himself. Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki hid things from him and put it under the excuse that he didn't want Hisoka to get hurt. That he didn't want to be a burden to everyone else.  
  
The truth was, though, he didn't want anyone to know what might possibly be the 'real' him. He was deathly afraid that if someone came to know him, that he would face rejection. It was what Tsuzuki feared most of all, to be rejected. And Tsuzuki knew it would feel a lot worse if someone close to him started to fear and loathe him.  
  
So he kept his secrets hidden. Hidden away from everyone's eyes and tried to act like that the incident in Kyoto never happened.  
  
He wasn't fooling anyone, especially not Hisoka.  
  
It wasn't until after the incident in Kyoto that Hisoka realized how fragile Tsuzuki really was. He learned many different things about Tsuzuki and saw a different side to Tsuzuki, that in fact, he wasn't as brave and powerful as he seemed. He was, and will always be, despite his protests to Hisoka, human.  
  
Tsuzuki had weaknesses, like everyone else, and those weaknesses affected Tsuzuki all the more deeply. Despite him being able to summon twelve powerful Shikigami at his command, they couldn't help fight the battle that was taking place in his own psyche. They couldn't help him when he was being manipulated mentally.  
  
When it came to powers, Tsuzuki was at his peak physically, but mentally, he was as weak as a newborn kitten.  
  
It wasn't until Tsuzuki was kidnapped by the mad doctor, Muraki, that Hisoka realized how much he had taken for granted. How many times had he hurt Tsuzuki by yelling at him and calling him an idiot, by slapping him on the head, by pushing him and telling him to leave him alone?   
  
Hisoka never meant to hurt Tsuzuki intentionally, by any means. It ended up becoming like a habit, a routine, a ritual that looked and felt normal. To Hisoka, to put it simply, it was just the way things were between them.  
  
But normalcy could never be an option now. After seeing how vulnerable and fragile his partner can be, how could he ever go back to the way things were? What if it was because of his yelling and screaming and the way he treated Tsuzuki was part of the reason that Tsuzuki decided that he wanted to die for good?  
  
There was no way that Hisoka was going to make a mistake like that ever happen again. More than anything, he didn't want to lose Tsuzuki to something like that again. It was a chance he wasn't willing to tempt Lady Luck again.  
  
But more than that, Hisoka noticed something different about his partner one day. It was as if Tsuzuki had come to some sort of conclusion about something that had been bothering him for a while. Hisoka had no idea what it could possibly be. He didn't want Tsuzuki to hide anything from him, especially if it was important. But if Tsuzuki wasn't willing to tell, he wasn't going to tell and would hide his secrets well, although Hisoka would drop subtle hints that if Tsuzuki wanted to talk, that he was here to listen to him.  
  
It was after that day when Tsuzuki started to behave and act very strange that Hisoka knew he was going to confront him about this one day. Whether it was today or tomorrow or even a year from now, Hisoka had no idea. But he told himself that he would listen when Tsuzuki was ready to tell him.  
  
_'Because we're partners… Because we're friends… Because you're my family…'_  
  
Or was it because Tsuzuki was something more…?


	2. Part 1 Confession

Author's notes:  Here's part one.  Again, feedback and critiques are welcomed.  Not much to say as it was said in the prologue.

Enjoy.  ^_^

**Part 1 - Confession**

_'Why did I **EVER** agree to this!?'_ Hisoka asked to himself for perhaps the tenth time tonight. His gaze wandered over to the person next to him, whose head was slumped on the table, his lips slightly parted. A lop-sided grin was the reply to his gaze and Hisoka felt the heat rise to his cheeks before he stared back into the glass in front of him.   
  
Normally, if Tsuzuki asked him out to go drinking, he would instantly say 'no' (Experiences in the past with any kind of alcoholic drink rubbed off on him) and tried to change his partner's mind. Usually, the result lead to a lot of pouting and Tsuzuki would either back out or he would go ask Tatsumi or Watari to come with him, which was becoming more and more frequent as of late. However, tonight seemed to be the exception to this.   
  
Tsuzuki walked up to him that evening and asked him to accompany him. The words instantly out of his mouth were 'no'. And the same ritual began again. Only this time, Tsuzuki seemed intent on singling him out. Hisoka told him to go ask Tatsumi or Watari to go with him. He answered that both were going to be working well after hours and he didn't want to go alone. He resorted to begging, but Hisoka continued to ignore him. After about twenty minutes of hearing 'Please Hisoka!' he reluctantly gave in.   
  
Recently, though, he noticed a pattern of change in his partner's habits. Before, Tsuzuki casually went out to drink, usually, he would have some sort of wine or sake with his meals, but it was always a glass or two. Tsuzuki did drink heavily at times, but he never drank to the point where he was going to pass out or where, more than likely, he wouldn't be able to take two steps forward without falling over. He overheard Tatsumi lecturing Tsuzuki at how Tsuzuki should be careful when he goes drinking, as it wasn't healthy to drink and then pass out completely. Tsuzuki would nod after that and then ask Tatsumi to go out with him again, which would only repeat the endless cycle (Even though Tatsumi would protest against going out again, he would always cave in when Tsuzuki gave him his infamous 'puppy pout' look).  
  
Hisoka then came to two conclusions. First: it was very unlike Tsuzuki, which was a given already. And secondly: People got themselves heavily drunk on purpose and mainly, that was to forget something.   
  
Hisoka never understood why people would drink themselves to the point where they would get sick. Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol never made a person forget what they didn't want to remember. Sure, it sometimes seemed like it, but only because the alcohol would muddle the memory. Given time, though, the head would clear and the memories would come back, and the person usually only felt worse afterwards.   
  
So knowing this, he had reason to worry about his partner's strange behavior. On one hand, he was upset that Tsuzuki would do this to himself. He must've known that this was far from healthy. The one time he saw Tsuzuki drunk, Tsuzuki had to lean on him for support in order to walk. Part of him wanted to slap him in the back of a head and tell him how much of an idiot he is. But, the other side to him wanted to stare into his purple eyes and ask him just exactly what was wrong.   
  
That part to him he didn't quite understand. That part of him wanted to wrap his arms around the older, but child-like in behavior, man. That part of him desperately wanted to know what exactly would drive his partner to do this to himself, that he was there for him. That he would listen to him. That he could trust him with his problems...   
  
He was brought out of his brooding for a second when he heard muffled giggling. He turned and scowled at his partner.  
  
"What's so funny?" He asked.  
  
"Nothin'." Was the simple reply he got back from Tsuzuki, who continued to giggle on. Hisoka scowled at the child-like man and went back to his thoughts. _'Isn't it ironic that who I'm thinking about is sitting next to me, giggling like he has gone mad?' _  
  
Hisoka inwardly sighed to himself. Tsuzuki was the type of person who never willingly shared his problems with someone. Tatsumi had told Hisoka, on several occasions, that he understood Tsuzuki more than anyone. But how could he say that when Tsuzuki never trusted or confided in Hisoka? Hisoka would always tell Tsuzuki what was on his mind or if he had a problem with something. He knew Tsuzuki was there for him and would always be willing to convey his inner most feelings to him. He had done that on more than one occasion.   
  
But when it came to the reverse, Hisoka could not think of a single situation where he didn't have to rely on his empathy to know what his partner was thinking about or worrying about or seeking advice from Tatsumi. Trust had to work both ways. Yet, it seemed like a one-way street when it came down to it.   
  
It has always bothered Hisoka that the trust between them was like that. Partners shared different things, thoughts, ideas, and feelings between each other. They depended on one another for support in situations. It was one of the reasons Shinigami worked in pairs.   
  
And yet...   
  
_'Why does this bother me so much?'_ Hisoka asked himself as he looked down into the glass that held crystal clear liquid, the opposite of how he felt inside right now. He knew the answer was buried deep inside of him. But every time he tried to grasp the answer, it seemed to slip away. He would feel frustrated and annoyed, but determination always won out in him and he continued to reach for the answer, just to have the cycle repeat over again.   
  
He tried to assess this as rationally as possible. First, he knew that his worry for Tsuzuki was more than what a co-worker would feel. He already established long ago that what he felt towards Tsuzuki was more than a simple 'we're just partners' relationship. He knew that he considered Tsuzuki a friend. But the closeness of their relationship went farther than friends too. He told himself before that he considered Tsuzuki his family. Yet still, that didn't seem quite right either. Tsuzuki seemed more than just a parent or brother to him...   
  
Hisoka let out a sigh in frustration again. He knew he was close to the answer, yet, it kept itself out of his reach. The answer to this all was behind a locked door; all he needed was the key to that door.  
  
His gaze returned back to his partner and he sighed to himself. Several times, he tried to read Tsuzuki and failed. When Tsuzuki didn't want his feelings known, he managed to keep strong shields around himself.  
  
For some reason, Hisoka believed that the key to unlocking the door to this mystery lied within the person next to him who was currently drowning himself in another glass of alcohol. If only... if only...   
  
"Young man?"   
  
Hisoka blinked a few times and lifted his head up. The bartender was looking at him with a frown.  
  
"You might want to escort your friend home. I think he's had enough tonight, if you know what I mean."  
  
Green eyes blinked in puzzlement and Hisoka looked to his partner, who was murmuring incoherently and complaining about running out of money too quickly. His gaze went to the clock on the wall. It was well near midnight. After drinking the rest of his water, he got up from the stool he was sitting on and walked over to Tsuzuki.  
  
"Come on, it's time to go home…" He said.  
  
"Dun wanna…" Was the reply he got from the drunken man. Hisoka scowled at him and put his arm around his shoulder.  
  
"Well, -I- want to. First off, you're out of money. And the world doesn't need another drunk running around at night either. So come on."  
  
"Aww, 'Soka's so mean…" He murmured and wobbly rose to his feet. If Hisoka weren't there to provide him with support, surely, he would've fallen over. He opened the door with his free hand and felt the cold air hit him. He threw his drunken partner a scowl, which was met with a grin, and walked out of the bar, with Tsuzuki in tow.  
  
Silence echoed between the two. The walk to Tsuzuki's house wouldn't take more than thirty minutes. But Tsuzuki wasn't the lightest person in the world and Hisoka wasn't used to carrying the bigger man, especially for fairly long distances. After ten minutes of walking along, Hisoka's back started to feel sore and a sigh of displeasure escaped his lips.  
  
"How much did you drink?" Hisoka asked, trying to distract his mind from the pain he felt in his lower back.  
  
"I dunno… Maybe two or three glasses?"  
  
"Try ten of them."  
  
"Oh. You counted?"  
  
"No, I gave you an estimate of what I saw."  
  
"Heh."  
  
"Tsuzuki?"  
  
"Mmmm?"  
  
"I just… I mean… Never mind. Forget it…"  
  
"Are you sure, Soka-chan?"  
  
"Don't call me that!" He scowled and stumbled, almost dropping Tsuzuki in the process. Sometimes, the man could get on his nerves.  
  
He was startled when the weight on his back lifted suddenly. He turned around and blinked at his partner.  
  
"'sokay, I can walk." Tsuzuki mumbled and took three steps forward. On the forth step, he stumbled and would've met the pavement of the sidewalk if Hisoka wasn't there to catch him. It was a clumsy catch though and both ended up on the ground.  
  
"Idiot…" Hisoka scowled.  
  
"Dun be like that, Soka-chan."  
  
"I said don't call me that!"  
  
Tsuzuki lifted his head and looked into Hisoka's eyes, which were burning with anger. Amusement twinkled in the older man's eyes and he smiled. A hand lifted and brushed ash-blond bangs from emerald eyes.  
  
"So pweety…"  
  
A pink blush crossed pale cheeks, which caused the older man to chuckle. His head fell upon Hisoka's shoulder. Hisoka tried to push the older man off of him, as he didn't want to sit on the ground all night, but warm arms wrapped around him, preventing his escape.  
  
"Tsuzuki…" A tone of warning was in Hisoka's voice right now. Normally, Tsuzuki would've let go a long time ago, knowing that when Hisoka used that tone of voice with him, that he was about to get slapped across his head. But right now, the older man wasn't exactly in the right state of mind and continued to cling to the young teen.  
  
"Let go." Hisoka said, with a bit more force. He tried to push Tsuzuki away, but it seemed the man wasn't about to let go quite yet.  
  
"Vanilla…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Vanilla… 's what you smell like…"  
  
Hisoka felt the blood rush to his cheeks and spread along his body. "Get up. I don't want to sit here all night. Besides…" He gasped as he felt something warm press against his neck. A shiver ran through him, despite the night air being warm, as he felt Tsuzuki's lips on his neck.  
  
"Taste like Vanilla too…" Tsuzuki murmured and nuzzled his head deeper in the crook of Hisoka's neck. With Tsuzuki so close to Hisoka, he could feel the emotions illuminating off of him. Normally, Tsuzuki would shield his emotions from Hisoka, but with him in his current state…   
  
The usual emotions he felt when he was around Tsuzuki were there, but there was one emotion that he only felt from one other person before, and it was the dominating emotion.  
  
_Lust…_  
  
Panic started to rise up in Hisoka's mind. He knew his partner would never take advantage of him in that way; it was totally out of Tsuzuki's character to do something like that. But that didn't quell the memories from being pushed up. It was when Hisoka started trembling that Tsuzuki lifted his head and looked at the younger boy.  
  
"Soka-chan?"  
  
"Stop…"  
  
"Hisoka?"  
  
The boy's eyes had a glassy look to them, as if his mind was somewhere else. Tsuzuki started to shake him, but not for long before he was thrown back a few feet by a powerful psychic blast.  
  
A cry of surprise brought Hisoka back to the present. He blinked several times before he slowly remembered where he was and what took place a few minutes ago. He heard a shuffling of feet and turned his head. He flinched when he looked into Tsuzuki's face.  
  
"Tsuzuki… I…"  
  
"Hisoka… I'm so sorry… I…" The older man didn't finish as he rushed off in the night.  
  
"Tsuzuki! Wait!" Hisoka yelled, and tried to get up, but a hurl of emotions wracked his form back to the ground. _'Shame and guilt…'_  
  
It took Hisoka a few minutes to clear his head before he stumbled to his feet and ran after his partner off into the night. However, a black cloud seemed to follow Hisoka around tonight. After a few minutes of running, he totally lost sight of his partner and wondered how he could have ran so far ahead in his state.   
  
It wasn't hard to figure out where Tsuzuki was running to. The man had nowhere else to go but home. And a part of Hisoka said that he should head home too, and this entire incident would most likely be forgotten about in the morning. But another part of him said that right now, his partner needed him, even if Tsuzuki never said it vocally.  
  
The door was unlocked to the small house that Tsuzuki lived in. He peered inside and found the living room silent. No lights were on in the house. Closing the door behind him, Hisoka tiptoed and stood still, listening for sounds. A faint sound came from Tsuzuki's bedroom. Hesitantly, Hisoka pushed the small door to the bedroom opened.  
  
Tsuzuki was near the small balcony window in the room, his back turned from the door. He was sitting down on the floor, his legs curled up to his chest, his head resting on top of his knees. The moon illuminated down from the window, providing a small light to the room. Hisoka realized that the faint sound he heard before was the small sniffling that was coming from the older man.  
  
Slowly, Hisoka made his way towards his partner. Tsuzuki must have not heard him, as he didn't turn around or lift his head up.   
  
"Tsuzuki?" Hisoka whispered softly. The older man lifted his head up and looked at his partner. For one moment, Hisoka was able to see exactly how his partner felt when he looked into tear-filled eyes. He didn't need to read his emotions to know that he was feeling extremely guilty with what happened.  
  
"Hisoka…" Was all Tsuzuki said. He lowered his head and Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki was guilt tripping himself. He was prone to blame himself when things went wrong, whether it was his fault or not.  
  
But in this case…  
  
An uncomfortable silence resonated between the two. Tsuzuki turned his head towards the window and gazed to the outside world. Hisoka sat down next to Tsuzuki, a few inches separating their bodies. Desperately, Hisoka wanted to ask Tsuzuki what was wrong, but he kept silent. Right now, he wanted Tsuzuki to know that he was there for him and that he would listen to him when he was ready.  
  
But would he ever be ready?  
  
"I'll understand…" Started a mumbled reply. Hisoka turned to his partner, confusion in his emerald eyes.  
  
"Understand what?"  
  
"If you don't want to be my partner and work with me anymore…"  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"Because of what I did. I know you'll feel uncomfortable around me now and…"  
  
"Don't say such stupid things."  
  
Tsuzuki turned his head towards Hisoka, his eyes never directly looking into Hisoka's face. He shook his head. "But…"  
  
"You can be a real idiot sometimes."  
  
Tsuzuki's eyes finally looked up and found Hisoka looking at him. He looked away, still feeling ashamed of himself. He almost jumped as he felt a hand turn his head. Emerald eyes seemed to study him carefully.  
  
"I'm not going to leave you."  
  
"Why? After what happened, I…"  
  
"I already told you before. Or did you forget?"  
  
Tsuzuki shook his head. "I just… don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me…"  
  
"It's okay. You weren't in the right state of mind. Just don't worry about it."  
  
Hisoka noticed Tsuzuki chewing his lower lip, as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't. He turned his head back to the window and continued to look outside. The silence seemed to echo on and five minutes passed by before Tsuzuki was comfortable enough to say something.  
  
"You… don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine. Besides, you probably want to go home and sleep…"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"But…"  
  
For the second time that night, Hisoka's emerald eyes cut Tsuzuki off. "I… worry about you. You don't normally do things like this and… It scares me."  
  
A sad smile crossed the older man's lips. "I'm sorry…"  
  
"Don't you trust me?"  
  
"Of course I trust you!"  
  
"But not enough to tell me what's been bothering you and why you have been drinking twice as much as you usually do."  
  
Tsuzuki flinched. "I just don't know how to explain it…"  
  
"Just… try the best you can." Hisoka encouraged, relieved that Tsuzuki was even willing to share what has been troubling him. Perhaps the answer to his own dilemma lied in what was bothering Tsuzuki…  
  
"I was just thinking about what happened…"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About what happened in Kyoto…"  
  
"Tsuzuki…" A frown crossed the teenager's lips. He thought they've been through this already.  
  
Tsuzuki shook his head. "It's not about what you think it is. It's something different."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
Hisoka felt very confused when he noticed the slight blush crossing Tsuzuki's cheeks. He rarely ever saw Tsuzuki get embarrassed or feel uncomfortable about anything. This captured his interest. Something deep down inside of him said that this had to do with the answer he sought for. He waited for Tsuzuki to continue.  
  
"It's just… After what happened, I've been doing some thinking."  
  
"Thinking?"  
  
"Yes. About us…"  
  
"About us?"  
  
"I mean… What you said to me… It really touched me deeply."  
  
Now it was Hisoka's turn to blush. A rush of heat passed through his body when he felt Tsuzuki's hand clasp over his own. He looked towards the ground, not knowing what to say.  
  
"You meant what you said, didn't you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"About belonging by my side."  
  
"I…" Hisoka was at a lost for words at the moment. He had no idea what Tsuzuki was driving at. Tsuzuki just smiled at him gently, thinking to himself that it was best to change the subject right now.  
  
"I'm not sure… how to explain the next part…"  
  
"It's okay…" Hisoka said. "Just try the best you can…"  
  
The older Shinigami nodded. He let go of Hisoka's hand and stood up, looking out the window.  
  
"It's just… that lately, I've been feeling lonely inside."  
  
"Lonely?"  
  
"Yeah, but not in the way you think. Like I know you and Tatsumi and Watari and Wakaba-chan and everyone else in the Division is there for me. I don't feel that type of loneliness. It's just… I know you are there, right in front of me, but in a way, it seems like you're far away from me."  
  
Hisoka just blinked at Tsuzuki's confession. A bitter smile crossed Tsuzuki's lips.  
  
"I told you I didn't know how to explain it well."  
  
"I think I know what you're trying to say."  
  
Tsuzuki nodded and continued. "I felt like this for a really long time, but it was always mild. It never really bothered me unless I thought about it. But recently…"  
  
"It hasn't been that way?"  
  
"Yeah…" Tsuzuki turned to Hisoka and sat back down on the ground, his eyes wandering to the other side of the room. "I guess I should tell you. You would find out about it eventually."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
Tsuzuki took a deep breath. "It's about me and Tatsumi…"  
  
Hisoka chewed on his lower lip. He already knew that there was something deep between Tatsumi and Tsuzuki. Only a blind fool wouldn't be able to tell that they had a deep affection for each other. But it wasn't any of his business to know what happened between his partner and Tatsumi in the past, and Tsuzuki seemed reluctant to speak about it, so he never inquired further. He did speak to Tatsumi on a few occasions about their relationship. But he didn't pry too deeply into matters.  
  
He nodded to Tsuzuki to let him know he was ready to listen.  
  
"Well, you might already know, as you're an empath. But Tatsumi and I were close. We were more than 'just friends' at one point. I told him how I was feeling one day and, well… I found out that Tatsumi cared about me more than just a friend. So we… kinda had a relationship that went beyond friendship."  
  
"I figured as much," Hisoka replied, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat. What exactly was he feeling inside right now?  
  
"It didn't work out though…"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We just… weren't ready for it. We never really went beyond kissing and hugging. I really can't say 'we' though, it was more my fault. Tatsumi is a… wonderful person, but… that feeling just didn't go away. And Tatsumi knew it was wrong for us to keep continuing on like we were.   
  
"Both of us couldn't cope very well with our emotions. Me especially. So Tatsumi did what he thought what was best for us. He broke off our partnership.  
  
"I'll admit, it really hurt at first. I was devastated for a long time. But I understood why Tatsumi did what he did later on and we stayed close friends. I think… no… I know he still cares deeply about me. But… I just can't return his feelings. I do care about him, but…"  
  
A tear rolled down Tsuzuki's cheek. "I feel terrible that I hurt him. He wants me to be happy, but… he's willing to sacrifice his own happiness for my sake. It's not right though… Everyone should be happy…"  
  
"I think Tatsumi-san would be happy to know that you're happy."  
  
Tsuzuki looked in the direction of his partner. Hisoka was looking down, his fingers fidgeting in his lap.  
  
"I know Tatsumi-san… loves you. But I think when someone really loves you; they would do anything to see the person they love happy. Even if that means that they have to let them go. I think Tatsumi-san knew this and that's why he wants to see you happy."  
  
"_'My happiness is your happiness…'_"  
  
"Is that what he said to you?"  
  
"Yeah… I think I understand what he meant now…" Tsuzuki smiled. "Thank you, Hisoka…"  
  
"You don't need to thank me. Just don't expect me to play 'therapist' every night."  
  
"Hisoka! Don't be so MEAN!" Tsuzuki whined and pouted.   
  
Hisoka rolled his eyes and continued on. "What about now though? You said you had this feeling of 'loneliness' for a while, but now, it has been bothering you. Do you know why now?"  
  
"I've known why since the day it started bothering me greatly."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"I've been trying to forget the feeling. The reason that I had come up with… I felt I wasn't ready to cope with it and… I don't think the person around me would be able to cope with it either."  
  
"Person?"  
  
Nothing was said after that question. But curiosity drove Hisoka on. He didn't know the exact reason why he felt he had to pry in Tsuzuki's business like this. He wasn't the type of person to butt into other people's business.  
  
But with Tsuzuki, things were different…  
  
"How do you know this person won't be able to cope with what you have to tell them?"  
  
"Well, this person has had a lot of negative things happen to them in their life. The past hasn't been very kind to them and left a negative effect on them, especially their overall view on life. I'm… afraid that what I'll have to tell them will scare them off. I'm content with the relationship we had now. I just… don't want to lose the ground we gained. If I told them…"  
  
"Well, you have to ask yourself if it's worth the risk or not. Do you think if you told them, things would get better?"  
  
"I think so. For a long time, this person has had no real love in their life until they came to work as a Shinigami. If I told this person what I had to say, then the person would know that they are cared and loved for."  
  
And then, Hisoka knew what Tsuzuki meant. "So what you want to tell them is that you're in love with them, right?"  
  
"Yes…"  
  
Hisoka nodded, not quite understanding how he was feeling at the moment. He didn't know that his partner was in love with someone, which had to be a co-worker, as he mentioned that they came to work as a Shinigami. And from looking at Tsuzuki, he knew he wasn't joking around, that he was serious about this. From the tone and expression in Tsuzuki's eyes, it was hurting him too.   
  
He then thought about what happened when they walked out of the bar and he felt his stomach flip-flop. A part of him, a part that confused him, hoped that the person Tsuzuki was talking about was him. But how could it be him? He treated Tsuzuki very harshly with the slip of his tongue, always calling him an idiot and always seemed to push him away whenever Tsuzuki tried to get him to open up to him. _'The chances of him feeling that way to me are impossible… But I still want to help him…'_ He took a deep breath and looked up at his partner.  
  
"I think I understand what you've been feeling inside now. You're happy with the way things are, but you want more than what can be provided. You don't want to take the risk of ruining what you have right now.  
  
"So you're feeling overall empty inside because what you have isn't enough for you. That's why you have been drinking a lot. You're trying to forget the emptiness you feeling inside of you.  
  
"But… drinking isn't going to solve your problem… It's just going to make you feel worse in the long run. You may forget your problem for a short time, but it comes back on you and you end up making yourself feel worse, which causes you to drink more.  
  
"Am I right?"  
  
Wide amethyst eyes stared back at him. "Sometimes, I think you know me better than myself, Hisoka…"  
  
"It's not like that!" Hisoka stammered. "It just makes sense from what you told me and from your actions."  
  
A small smile crossed Tsuzuki's lips. "I'm still not sure what to do…"  
  
"Well, you think it's worth the risk. Things will change between you and the person, but if the person even cares about you a little bit, then they won't abandon you if you tell them that you love them. Even if they don't return the feelings, if they at least view you as a friend, and I'm assuming they do from what you told me, then they'll still continue to be your friend.  
  
"And you'll feel better after you tell them too. You'll continue to feel empty inside as long as you keep your feelings guarded inside of yourself. Drowning yourself in alcohol would probably make this person upset too. They wouldn't want you doing that to yourself, especially if you two are close.  
  
"And you'll never know if the person can cope or not with your confession. In fact, for all you know, they might return the same feelings to you and that you were worrying over nothing. But you'll never know until you tell the person."  
  
"So you think I should tell them?"  
  
"I think you should." Hisoka felt a slight blush cross his cheeks. "I'll always be here to listen too, if things don't work out…"  
  
"Maybe." Tsuzuki answered.  
  
"'Maybe!?' Of course I'll…!" A finger over his lips silenced him from continuing.  
  
"Hisoka… The person I was talking about… The person I care deeply about… is you."  
  
Green eyes blinked in confusion. Hisoka thought he didn't hear Tsuzuki correctly. He was about to tell him to repeat what he said, but was caught off as Tsuzuki placed his head upon the young teen's lap.  
  
Hisoka felt himself flush all over. He thought back to what Tsuzuki told him about the person he was referring to, and realized that he was slowly describing him. Someone with a negative past, someone who's had little to no love in their life, someone who might not be able to cope with the confession, because it would scare him away… And then, he remembered when Tsuzuki told him that he was thinking about what happened in Kyoto. _'All this time, you were thinking about… me?'_  
  
"I think you already know, but I cared about you for a really long time. I just didn't realize how much till recently. And I thought you deserved better too. That no matter what I could offer, it wouldn't be enough and that you could be happy with someone else…"  
  
"Tsuzuki, you…"  
  
"I know, I know." The older man said, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "Let me finish, okay?" When the teen didn't protest, he continued. "It wasn't until I was about to give up my life that I knew that what I was doing wouldn't make you… anyone happy at all. I realized then that even if you didn't admit it to yourself or to me, that you care about me in some way. I was never sure if it was the same way that I felt though. And I was afraid to tell you how I feel too. I didn't want to chase you away after all the walls that have been between us when we first met.  
  
"I don't want to lose you… If I lost you… I wouldn't know what to do… I…"  
  
Hisoka was at a loss for words. He knew that Tsuzuki liked him, but he never thought he touched the man so deeply. _'Someone who's always calling him an 'idiot' and pushing him away, getting close but not close enough…'_ And before he realized it, the question fell out of his mouth.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why do you… you know…"?  
  
"Love you?" Tsuzuki smiled as he noticed the pink streak across his partner's cheeks. "I can't… explain it in words. It just wouldn't do it justice." He raised his hand and lightly caressed Hisoka's cheek. "It's something that you can't explain in words but emotions…"  
  
Hisoka knew what Tsuzuki was hinting at. He intertwined his fingers in Tsuzuki's hand. He felt nervous, as the last time he read Tsuzuki, it was by accident. But then again, his feelings were much different than from back then. Before, his face and overall air to him reflected the pain and sadness he suffered in his past. However, now, he seemed more at peace with himself.  
  
"Hisoka, are you…"  
  
"You hinted that emotions would explain better than words, right?"  
  
"But, I don't want you getting hurt…"  
  
"Idiot. I'll be fine." Hisoka closed his eyes and slowly lowered his shields and let himself 'fall' inside of the man besides him.  
  
It was like diving head first into a cold river. He knew Tsuzuki was an emotionally complex person where one minute, he would seem cheerful and perhaps later on, he would seem vulnerable, and other times, he would seem upset. But Hisoka had always had walls to block out the bulk of most of those emotions and Tsuzuki seemed to have strong shields himself. The only time he could feel Tsuzuki's emotions was when he was feeling something very strongly. Here, where there was no shields, he could pick out and pinpoint everything that made up Tsuzuki.  
  
He could 'see' the memories that made up his partner's past and they whirled by him so fast, that he wasn't able to get a concise picture in his mind. They rushed by in blurs of colors. Even though Hisoka couldn't recall any of the memories that seemed to rush by him, he could recall the emotions that said memories brought up. The deep desire for wanting to belong. The pain of thinking that no one wanted him. The desire to help, but being unable to. The guilt that the blood of the dead which lay solely on his hands. The desire of wanting to make people happy.   
  
But the one desire that seemed to burn into his mind, the strongest of them all, was the desire to be loved.  
  
Hisoka let himself get caught up in that strong desire, knowing that's what he needed to follow to understand Tsuzuki. He felt himself flowing deeper and deeper into Tsuzuki's conscious. He knew it was dangerous to go deeper. If he went too deeply into someone, then he would have a hard time getting back out of their consciousness or he might not be able to get back at all. Yet, he continued to take the risk at hand and let himself submerge into the current.  
  
Finally, he felt himself come to a halt. All around him, he felt his partner. But more than just that, he knew what Tsuzuki meant by saying that 'words weren't enough'.  
  
Calling this 'love' seemed so trivial. Because it was more than just love. It was more of a feeling of rightness. Like a half of himself was missing for the longest time. And right here, in the center of it all, only could Hisoka feel complete himself. Tsuzuki was the one half and Hisoka complimented the other.  
  
It felt just right being there. He didn't feel like an intruder, which he normally did when he read others. Here, he felt safe, welcome, and most importantly, the emotion that he craved for so long that he had never received, not even from his parents.  
  
He understood. In a way, Tsuzuki was opening his heart to him and to only him. But was he really ready to accept this? Worry and doubt plagued him as he opened his eyes and looked down at his partner.  
  
"Well?" Tsuzuki asked, anxiety in his voice.  
  
"I… understand now… But… I don't think I'm ready just yet…"  
  
"I knew it…" Tsuzuki sighed and tried to get up. But Hisoka pushed him back down.  
  
"I didn't finish yet. I know how you feel, but I'm not sure how I feel. I care about you, but…"  
  
"It's okay. I'm not going to leave you if you don't want me to. I said I would stay with you, remember?"  
  
Hisoka nodded, his face turning red again from embarrassment. "Can we… take this one step at a time?"  
  
A nod came from his partner as his purple eyes shut. "Yes… I'll wait forever if I have to. As long as I can stay with you…"  
  
"Tsuzuki… I don't know if I can ever return the intensity of how you feel to me. I don't know if I even feel the same towards you. But I do know that I belong by your side… Perhaps… Perhaps I'll find the answer that I'm seeking now…"  
  
Tsuzuki didn't answer him, and that's when Hisoka realized that he had fallen asleep. He looked over to the night table and saw the alarm clock reading that it was well past two am. Slowly he rose up from the floor and took the comforter off the bed. He placed one half of the comforter over Tsuzuki and the other half over himself. Curling up besides his partner, he fell asleep.   
  
And for once in his life, he was able to sleep peacefully.


	3. Part 2 Relationship

Author's notes:  Part 2 is finally here.  ^_^;;  This is more of a 'fluff' part than anything else.  I've had some random Yami 'ideas' that never got turned into fics, so instead of ditching them all together, I thought they would work wonderfully in this fic. 

The time lapse in this part is about 6 months.  And this chapter is very bulky as well, well over about 2000 words more than the previous one.

Reviews are welcomes and critiques are encouraged.  If you see anything wrong with the fic that I didn't catch or my beta reader didn't catch, feel free to tell me in a review or drop me an e-mail.

I want to thank Rinoa RedCloak for beta-ing this part for me.  ^_^

Okay, that's enough pointless author notes.  On with the fic.  Enjoy, part 3 and the epilogue will be coming soon.

Part 2 – Relationship 

When Hisoka opened his eyes the following day, he thought all of last night was just some bizarre dream.  That Tsuzuki confessing his feelings and showing his heart to Hisoka was just some figment of his imagination.  Or maybe it was something all together different?

It was when he felt not just a warm body but warm feelings near him that he realized that he wasn't dreaming.  He couldn't decide which shocked him more, the events of the previous night, the fact that Tsuzuki cared about him on a deep level, or the fact that he spent an entire night on Tsuzuki's floor and realized that it was the best sleep he ever had as far back as he could remember, despite his back being sore.

It wasn't long before Tsuzuki opened his eyes.  He stretched and was quite surprised that Hisoka stayed the entire night.  He also felt guilty as there was a perfectly good bed and that Hisoka should have slept in it.  It took a total of one minute to convince Tsuzuki that sleeping on the floor wasn't so bad and that he should stop berating himself before the childish man grinned sheepishly at him and thanked Hisoka for staying.  Tsuzuki recommended that he should go home and change and get ready for work, which Hisoka agreed to.

It took Hisoka a little less than an hour to undress, shower, and redress for work.  Hisoka was never really into fashion, only that he look presentable.  He was surprised when he opened the door and saw Tsuzuki standing there, waiting for him with a genuine smile on his face.

And so began a new ritual that lasted for the first three months of what Hisoka liked to officially call their 'relationship'.  Everyday, Tsuzuki would meet Hisoka just as he was about to leave the house and they would walk together to work.  Sometimes, they would casually chat about current events.  Sometimes, they would share events that happened in their personal lives.  Other times, they spoke about work.  And on other occasions, they didn't say anything at all, but just walked in silence.  

There was the occasional physical contact, like a ghost-like brush of Tsuzuki's fingers across his own fingertips.  Nothing was said out loud, but Hisoka knew what Tsuzuki 'said' when he displayed actions like that.  There were times between them where actions spoke more than words could and Hisoka took it as a comfort.

The irony of this was that before, Hisoka couldn't stand being touched.  Every time he was touched, even if was the lightest touch, he would always pick up the person's emotions, even if was just an accident.  Most of the time, the emotions he picked up were negative or so strong to the point where he would pass out at the contact.  

He absolutely abhorred it more than anything else because more than anything, he craved being touched, wanting human contact, but always deathly afraid of it and steering away from it.  He also feared that people would reject him or think lowly of him, like his parents had.

With Tsuzuki now though, things were different.  Unlike most people, Tsuzuki had shields around himself and shielded himself so well, that Hisoka would only feel powerful emotions if Tsuzuki felt them strongly.  The emotions that Hisoka discovered when he went inside of Tsuzuki's heart seemed to come off in waves when Hisoka was around him and he felt them more strongly when Tsuzuki made skin contact with him.

There was still the thought that if Hisoka ended up getting too close to Tsuzuki though, he would see things that were unpleasant.  He never was as close to anyone than with Tsuzuki and even now, he didn't know where they were going with this relationship that they seem to share.  

But more than anything, he wanted to know the answer he was seeking and knew whole-heartedly that he would find it this time…

-

The overall air to the office area that Tsuzuki and Hisoka shared changed that next morning. There was less fighting between the pair.  Hisoka seemed to have calmed down a bit and Tsuzuki seemed more focused as well and he was even doing paperwork, which surprised Tatsumi when he came by to greet the pair.  Hisoka was quite amused by the look on Tatsumi's face when he walked in and saw Tsuzuki working.  He let a smile slip by, which didn't go un-noticed by Tsuzuki, who teased Hisoka all morning about 'finally getting Soka-chan to smile!'  This earned the older man a yell and a light slap on the head. 

Everyone seemed to notice the change in both of them.  No one said anything though, as everyone knew it was bound to have happened and were glad for the both of them anyways.  Hisoka was able to pick all this up.  It wasn't very hard not to, considering his empathic powers and how he sometimes heard the occasional whisper about them around corners.  Sometimes he was quite tempted to yell and demand what they meant by that, but eventually, the temptation died down.  If he sat and thought long and hard about it, he found the signs that were apparent.  He knew Tsuzuki liked to tease him, but he never thought he was serious.

When lunchtime came around, Tsuzuki would offer to either go down to earth and find a nice restaurant to eat at or sometimes, Tsuzuki would bring in something he brought at a market place and share it with Hisoka.  There was only one day when Tsuzuki offered Hisoka some food he cooked.  It never happened again, as Hisoka had ended up in the medical ward for most of the day after trying out some of Tsuzuki's 'special' stew.  They would eat inside their office space or go outside and eat if the day was pleasant enough.

They would then go back to work, whether it was simple paperwork, delivering a message to another co-worker, delivering reports to Tatsumi, or anything else that needed to be done.  The same office routine, but with a different overall air around it.  

One day though, Tsuzuki did something that surprised Hisoka.

Hisoka had just finished a report and he had to deliver it personally to Tatsumi.  He had finished rather early and wanted nothing more now than to curl up with the book he left on his desk.  When he returned to the office, however, the book was missing.  He turned towards the direction of his partner's desk, about ready to ask him if he'd seen the book, and froze.

In all the time he knew Tsuzuki, he had never once seen him read something except when it was work related or sometimes, when they were on earth, the local paper.  Tsuzuki had always said that he didn't care much for reading and preferred to do something else.

So imagine Hisoka's shock when he saw Tsuzuki actually reading the book that Hisoka borrowed.

"What are you doing?" Hisoka asked.  Tsuzuki looked up from the page that he was on and blinked at Hisoka.

"What does it look like?" He replied with a grin.

"Didn't you tell me you didn't like to read outside of work?"

Tsuzuki put the book down and his eyes grew serious.  "Yes.  But then I noticed how much you like to read and I thought, 'Well, if I started to read what Hisoka reads, we would have something more to talk about!'"

"That's the most stupid reason I've ever heard for not liking to do something and doing it anyways." Hisoka told Tsuzuki truthfully.

"Maybe, but I like to know what you read.  Not only to share similar interests, but to understand you more."

Hisoka had no real retort to that, so he let it slip.  He expected Tsuzuki to ask him if he would do the same thing or even expected Hisoka to do that, but he never did. This puzzled Hisoka to no end and one day, he did ask about it.

"I'm not going to force you to do things you don't want to do," Tsuzuki answered and added, "I don't want you to expect that you **HAVE **to do what I always do.  Just do what you think is comfortable."

Hisoka realized that Tsuzuki never really expected anything.  He just seemed to take what he was offered and treasured it.  _'Selfless, as always…'_

After work, Tsuzuki would offer to take Hisoka out for dinner.  The bill was usually split in half between the two.  Then another ritual would happen, where Hisoka would ask 'would you like to come over for a little bit?'  The purpose of inviting Tsuzuki over his house changed each night.  Sometimes, it was for tea, sometimes, it was for dessert, other times, it was to discuss something about a case, and the list went on.  

At first, usually Tsuzuki only stayed for an hour or so before leaving for home.  But as the days went by, those visits got longer and longer.  Sometimes, Hisoka would tell Tsuzuki that it was just too late for him to go back home and bring out a spare blanket from the closet.  Tsuzuki would usually fall right to sleep, to Hisoka's relief, as he first thought that Tsuzuki would turn down his offer.

_'There's something comforting about him staying over, even if we aren't in the same room…'_

There were times that scared Hisoka, not because they were particularly frightening, but because he couldn't remember how the situation came to be.  On some nights, he would wake up in his bed and felt a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, the presence of another body apparently pressed close to him.  And he was quite sure that no one went to bed with him the previous night.

The first time this happened, it scared Hisoka so much, that he kicked the other person out of the bed, who landed with a 'thump' on the floor.  When he found out who it was, he was relieved, but demanded an explanation from Tsuzuki.

"You were having a nightmare and I heard you crying in your sleep.  So I thought to keep you company until you stopped," He explained and grinned sheepishly.  "And um…  I guess I accidentally fell asleep."

Hisoka hardly believed that it was an 'accident' that Tsuzuki fell asleep in his bed, but he didn't say anything.  He knew his partner was only concerned about him.  He knew that Tsuzuki didn't leave him alone again was to show that he cared. even as bizarre and strange it looked to a normal onlooker.  Besides that, it felt rather nice to wake up being held Tsuzuki, which confused Hisoka to no end.

There were some times though, where Hisoka woke up and found himself sitting on one end of the couch with his partner's head in his lap.  Just like him, Tsuzuki had nightmares of his own and he heard him crying in his sleep as well.  So Hisoka would get up from his bed and sit with Tsuzuki.  Hisoka wouldn't say anything at these times, all he would do is sit down, place his partner's head in his lap and run his fingers through his hair.  That always had an effect on Tsuzuki, as he calmed down shortly after.  It was like Tsuzuki knew that Hisoka was the one touching him, even though he was asleep.  

He had to be very careful about this, because if Tsuzuki's emotions were too intense in the dream, there was always a chance that Hisoka would get pulled into the dream and he knew how Tsuzuki feels emotions so strongly.  It was always the risk Hisoka was running.  But in the end, he felt it was worth the risk.  _'If I can make him feel a little better, relieve him of his pain even just a little bit, it's worth the risk…'_

Tsuzuki had no idea that Hisoka did that when he was having a nightmare, as when he woke up the next day, Hisoka was no longer on the couch, but either back in his bed or getting ready for work and scolding Tsuzuki to stop sleeping in so late.

On days off, Tsuzuki would spend the entire day with Hisoka.  On sunny days, they went shopping or went for walks.  On rainy days, they stayed indoors or went to see a movie.

Usually, when Tsuzuki and Hisoka went shopping, they bought things for themselves.  Or actually, Tsuzuki bought things for himself while Hisoka would buy the bare necessities.  Sometimes, he would get some new clothes or sometimes, he would buy a book at the bookstore that caught his eye.  But he spent his money wisely, preferring not to spend all his pay in one day.

There were times when Tsuzuki bought gifts for some of their co-workers.  Sometimes, it was because it was a special occasion, like a birthday.  Sometimes, it was for a holiday.  And at rare times, it was just rather random.

And on this day, it happened to be one of those 'random' gift ideas.

On this day, the duo passed by a small toyshop that sold small and unusual gifts.  Tsuzuki turned his head to the window while they walked by and he stopped short, calling for Hisoka to wait a moment and walked into the shop.  Five minutes later, he came out of the shop holding a small yellow bag.  Hisoka knew Tsuzuki was excited about whatever he just bought, but he tried to keep the excitement off his face and told Hisoka he was ready to go.

All throughout the walk to Hisoka's house, Hisoka could feel the excitement coming from Tsuzuki and it was starting to annoy him.  He tried to sense what exactly Tsuzuki was thinking about, but it was as if Tsuzuki knew that Hisoka was going to try to attempt to read him, and kept his thoughts linger on the excitement over the item, but never revealing the item in question.  

The moment they walked in the door, however, he spun around and glared at his partner, who managed to keep a straight face, despite the giddy feelings he was projecting.

"All right!  What did you exactly buy in there?"

"Eh?" Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka, trying to act and sound confused.

"Don't 'eh' me!  You bought something and you've been thinking about it all the way here so loudly, that I could barely think straight.  So what has you all excited?"

A smile crossed Tsuzuki's lips as he searched out for the small bag that he got from the toyshop.  When he found it, he held it out to Hisoka.

"It's not much, but I thought you might like it."

"You bought me a toy???" Hisoka asked and wondered if he should be offended or if he should thank Tsuzuki, as he couldn't remember anyone just giving him a gift since he was a child.

"Open it!"  He said and started to giggle in glee.  As Hisoka opened the bag and took out the paper wrappings, he wondered if his partner had just gone insane.

Green eyes blinked at the contents in the bag.

"Well?" Tsuzuki asked and cocked his head to one side.

Hands dove into the bag and took out a small, white, fluffy teddy bear.  On its back was a pair of wings.  The bear had some glitter here and there upon its entire body and it sparkled when the light shone on it.  The sewn eyes on it were quite unusual though, as they were a light green pair of beads.

"When I saw that in the back through the window, I had to get it." Tsuzuki explained to his stunned partner.  "It reminded me of you.  And, well, I know that sometimes, you might get lonely at night and might want something to cuddle with."  

Tsuzuki got worried when Hisoka said nothing in reply.  "I mean, I don't think you're a kid!  I mean…  I sometimes like to cuddle with something at night too, so I thought you might be the same way.  And you won't be lonely either.  I know I get lonely at night too sometimes, so I thought you might too, and…  he can keep you company!"  Tsuzuki's smile started to fade when he didn't hear an answer yet.  He turned to his partner and looked at him, who was staring down at the small fluffy bear in his hands.  "Hisoka?"

"You can be a real idiot sometimes…" Was the small whisper he managed to pick up from his partner.  Hisoka looked up, a small smile settled on his lips.  "A really big idiot…"

"I'm glad you like it." Tsuzuki answered with his own small smile.

-

Hisoka was surprised when he found himself enjoying the time he spent with Tsuzuki.  At first, he thought that spending too much time with Tsuzuki would get on his nerves and that they would have to spend some 'time alone'.  But it wasn't like that at all, and each day, he found he wanted to spend more and more time with him.  Even if they didn't talk the entire day to each other, Hisoka knew he would still enjoy the company.

The routine continued like this for a total of three months when he noticed something.  More and more, Hisoka noticed that Tsuzuki spent more time at his house that he couldn't remember when Tsuzuki went home, even if he still had his home.  He brought up the issue to him one day.

"I noticed that too…  It's like I live with you now!" He teased.

"You already do anyways," Hisoka pointed out, which Tsuzuki laughed at.  Hisoka wasn't laughing or smiling though.

"I was only teasing you, Hisoka." Tsuzuki said, the grin on his face fading as he saw the expression.  "It was a joke."

"I'm not kidding.  Can you honestly remember the last time you spent a night at your house in the past month?"  When Tsuzuki didn't have an answer, Hisoka continued.  "So why not just make it official?"

"But your house is too small for both of us to live in," Tsuzuki teased again, not thinking that Hisoka was seriously thinking about this.

"I could move in with you then.  I don't have a lot of things.  Besides, I've been over your house and it's big enough for two people to live in."

Tsuzuki didn't expect Hisoka to even answer the taunt, let alone even suggest moving in with him.  It took him by surprise.  "Are you serious about this, Hisoka?"

A blush crept across pale cheeks.  "Why are you asking stupid questions!?"

"Well…  It's just that a few months ago, I could never see you suggesting something like this!"

"Dummy!  I thought it would be easier on both of us if we lived in the same house instead of walking back and forth all over the place and paying for two places when we practically use only one house.  But if you don't agree…"

"I didn't say I didn't agree!  Hisoka~!" Tsuzuki shook his head and pouted.  "I… just want to make sure you feel comfortable with the idea.  And…  well, we do spend a lot of time with each other, but moving in with me…  Do you want to even do that or really, are you suggesting it just to 'save money'?  If you're not comfortable with it…"

"If I didn't feel comfortable with it, I wouldn't have brought it up.  If I didn't want it, I wouldn't have suggested it.  Common sense, Tsuzuki."

"That's true…" Tsuzuki knew that there was something behind the façade Hisoka was showing to him right now.  There were times he came off naïve and perhaps a bit slow, but he caught on to things, especially things that he considered important and Hisoka was up there along with sweets and cakes.  But he didn't want to press it further, as most likely, he wouldn't get the reason behind it unless Hisoka was willing to tell him.  He laughed to himself at how similar they seemed to be when it came to things like this.

"Are you sure?  I don't mean to press it on, but I want to make sure you're absolutely okay with this…" A grin lit up Tsuzuki's face when Hisoka nodded his consent.  "Okay!  So let's make it official then!"

Hisoka nodded his head again as Tsuzuki draped his arm around Hisoka's shoulder.  He mildly wondered if he made the right decision.  But just sensing the excitement from the older man gave him the answer and he wondered how long it would take him to move all his things to Tsuzuki's house.

-

Apparently, the move didn't take as long as Hisoka thought and Tsuzuki was so excited over the idea that Hisoka was going to live with him, it gave him new found energy.  It took a total of two days to move everything out of Hisoka's house, it was not as if he had much to move.  It took about a week for everything to settle in, as Hisoka had to inform the landlord of his move and fill out some paperwork.

Tsuzuki's house consisted of one bedroom only, but it was big enough to drag another bed (Tsuzuki suggested that another bed wasn't necessary, but it only earned him a kick) and another small dresser in.  The closet was separated into two halves to accommodate some of Hisoka's clothes that needed to be hung up on hangers.  Hisoka didn't bring any other bedroom items, besides the small 'angel bear' that he received from Tsuzuki, which Tsuzuki placed along besides his own small collection of stuffed animals, surprising Hisoka, so that 'he won't get lonely.' 

The bookshelf that Hisoka had was put out in the living room by the window along with a small chair he had.  Tsuzuki picked that spot, as the window would provide Hisoka some light during the day when he wanted to read and the window was right near a garden that Tsuzuki tended to.

Hisoka had come over Tsuzuki's house a few times in the past, but it was usually for work related matters.  He never really took notice of the house's surroundings.  That was, until now.

Unlike his own house, Tsuzuki's house was lively and colorful.  Pictures hung up on the walls, from simple wall scrolls to paintings to photographed pictures.  Some of the photos looked extremely old, like an old black and white photograph of when Tsuzuki and Tatsumi were still partners.  Some were recent, like a photo of Hisoka and Tsuzuki when they went to a festival a few months back, which Watari insisted on taking.  

There was a TV and a blue couch in the middle of a room with a VCR player sitting on top of the TV.  A shelf that contained several different types of VHS tapes stood less than a foot away from the TV.  There was a computer off in another corner of the living room, which looked like it had never been touched (Hisoka knew Tsuzuki was never really good with computers, but kept one anyways incase he ever needed one).

A few scattered nitnacks sat on desks, little stands and tables.  A few plants were scattered around, one plant hanging from the ceiling, one potted plant in the corner of the room, a vase of flowers sitting on the dining room table and another small stand…

They decided on splitting every bill in half, including the food bill.  Hisoka was the one who would do the food shopping (He didn't want Tsuzuki to do it based on the fact that when Tsuzuki opened the refrigerator during his first stay there.  Most of the food consisted of sweets, candies, cakes, and a variety of other 'snack foods'), as he would probably end up doing most of the cooking.  They decided on splitting most of the household chores as well.  It seemed like things were going to be all right, for the most part.

In the very beginning stages of this move, however, many doubts ran through Hisoka's mind.  He felt nervous and uncomfortable for the first week, especially sharing a room with his partner.  On case jobs, they almost always had separate rooms and had their own 'privacy'.  They never had to share a bathroom, and they got dressed in private as well.

With them sharing a room, things were different…

Tsuzuki didn't mind if Hisoka saw him changing or getting dressed.  He didn't feel uncomfortable at all.  On the first day of Hisoka's stay, he came out with a towel draped around one shoulder and one wrapped around his waist.  Hisoka had just woken up and looked towards the direction his partner was and felt the heat rise to his cheeks as he saw Tsuzuki unwrap the towel around his waist and sat down on the bed to get dressed.

"You could've waited till I was in the bathroom before getting dressed!" Hisoka yelled and turned his head to look at floor.

"Huh?  What do you mean?"

Shaking his head, he rushed to the small closet outside of the bedroom and grabbed two towels and slammed the bathroom door shut.  Hisoka slumped by the door, trying very hard to calm his breathing down to a normal level.  Of course, Tsuzuki was still oblivious to what happened and after he was dressed, he decided to wait for Hisoka to come out of the bathroom.

Waiting might have been a mistake as when Hisoka peeked out of the bathroom and saw Tsuzuki still standing there, not doing anything, his face turned red and he scowled.

"Why are you still standing there!?"

"Why are you getting so upset?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the word, 'privacy'?"

Tsuzuki frowned at the question.  "But I don't have anything to hide from you.  So why would I need to keep things 'private' when there's no need to?"

"Stupid…" Hisoka murmured and disappeared back into the bathroom.  A few shuffling noises came from the bathroom and Hisoka poked his head out the door again and if the look on Hisoka's face could kill, Tsuzuki knew he would've been dead ten times over by now.  "Why are you still standing out there!?  Do you want us to be late for work?"

When Tsuzuki took a few steps toward the bathroom door, he noticed Hisoka started to shrink back towards the bathroom, as if he didn't want Tsuzuki to see him.  Frowning a bit, he decided to take a chance and say something, even if it meant he was going to get slapped or yelled at.  "Hisoka…  You don't have to be ashamed around me, if that's what you feel…"

"What makes you think that!?"

He walked over to the bathroom door this time, which was promptly shut closed.  The 'clicking' noise he heard informed him that the door was now locked and Hisoka was trying to avoid the subject.

"Am I right?  Are you afraid what I'll say if I look at you?  That I'll be disgusted or tease you?"

"Tatsumi-san is going to give you an earful if you don't stop dilly-dallying…"

"I don't care!" Tsuzuki shouted and stomped his foot.  If Hisoka wanted to play the 'I'm-going-to-be-stubborn' game, then so could he.  "If you think that, then you'll never feel comfortable living here with me!  Besides that, me getting yelled at is a distant second place compared to something this important!"  He sighed and calmed down a little bit, trying to put as much gentleness into his next words as possible.  "Besides that, you have nothing to be ashamed about.  I think…" Here, he hesitated, as he didn't know what the reaction his partner would be, but he decided to be honest and say it anyways.  "I think…  you're beautiful just the way you are…"

Tsuzuki sighed and decided that it was a lost cause after a minute had past and heard no reply from Hisoka.  He turned and was about to walk away, but before he did, the door opened.

"I'm sorry…" Was the answer that came from the bathroom.  Hisoka walked out, a towel covering his head, wearing a white robe that covered his entire body.  His head was tilted towards the ground.  "I just…"

A hand on his shoulder made him look up from the ground.

"Why are you apologizing?"  Tsuzuki asked.  "I understand how you feel.  But I just want you to know that I would never tease you about how you look and that you shouldn't be ashamed at all of how you look."

"But…" Began a protest before it was silenced by a finger.

"I never thought that way about you.  I always thought you had a fine body."  The older man laughed as he watched pale cheeks taking on a pink glow.  "Besides, what counts…" Here, he poked the upper center of Hisoka's chest.  "…is right there."

"Tsuzuki…" Hisoka couldn't think of what to say in reply.  Not because he was embarrassed but because of how open and honest his child-like partner could be sometimes.  A chuckle passed by the older man's lips.

"So I take it that you running to the bathroom really fast before meant that you liked what you saw?"

A scowl and a slap later, Tsuzuki was rubbing his forehead outside the living room.  Hisoka came stomping out of the bedroom, dressed for work, trying to hide his face from Tsuzuki.

"Wah!  I was just teasing you!  To lighten the mood!"

"Moron!  Let's just go now!"

Tsuzuki rubbed his head one more time before he followed his partner out the door, glad to note that even if it was just for a moment, he gotten Hisoka to smile a third time within a few months without meaning to.

-

Eventually, word spread around that the two were now living together.  It wasn't like they could hide the fact for very long, although Hisoka tried hard to.  It lasted only a few days though, when Watari decided to pop in for a 'surprise' visit and saw Hisoka's things inside Tsuzuki's house.  It didn't take a genius to figure it out and word slipped around and after the first week, everyone in the office knew about it, much to Hisoka's irritation.

As the days wore on and turned into weeks, Hisoka noticed a change in himself.  Ever since Tsuzuki's confession, he found himself opening up more and more to his partner.  He noticed that he didn't berate Tsuzuki like he would've normally done months ago and he knew he was slipping up with him as well, letting him get away with things that he normally never would.  Like letting him have extra desserts after meals, letting himself be dragged off to many different places that his partner wanted to go to, or even doing something he would've never thought doing before.

Which led him to the current situation, him being dressed in old and worn clothing with a pair of garden gloves in hand.  In fact, he wondered how he ended up in this situation to start with!

"You promised!" Tsuzuki reminded him.

"Promised?"

"To help me just once out in the garden!  It's not so bad, and I think you'll like it!  Besides, you need a little sun!"

"You just want me to lessen the work load on you…" Grumbled the young teen.

"Awww, don't pout, Hisoka." Tsuzuki said.  He picked up a water can and opened the front door.  "We have to go around the house to get to the garden.  Have you ever been out there?"

"No, I've only seen in through the window…" Hisoka answered, letting Tsuzuki take the lead.  He never really looked out the window to the garden though, as he usually read during the evening and night hours.  He didn't think it was particularly important to know about something he didn't have any interest in.

"Well, you'll be in for a shock!"

"It's just a garden.  I seriously doubt a bunch of plants will shock me …"

Tsuzuki chose to stop at that moment and turn around.  Hisoka just barely stopped in time to avoid bumping into the older man.  Confusion swept across Hisoka's face at seeing the serious expression that Tsuzuki was giving him.

"It's not 'just a garden', Hisoka.  Plants feel, just like you and me.  They grow, just like you and me."  Here, Tsuzuki paused before looking up to the sky.  "It takes a lot of work, taking care of plants and different sorts of fruits.  But in the end, they reward you with a wonderful sight and something deliciously sweet…" He looked at Hisoka.  "You'll see for yourself though.  Come on."

Hisoka averted his eyes to the ground as he let Tsuzuki again lead him to his garden.  He still didn't understand what the big deal about plants were.  They were just plants, why would anyone want to stand around and admire them all day.  It was just fruit too, that you could easily buy at any sort of market.  Why would anyone want to go through all the trouble to grow food on their own?  To him, a garden was more trouble than it was worth and that if he wanted to go admire plants, he'd take a nature walk in the woods.

It wasn't until Tsuzuki opened the door to his small garden and turned his eyes from the ground that he understood exactly why Tsuzuki kept a garden.

Every flower around him was in perfect bloom.  It wasn't just the flowers that made it beautiful, but the way Tsuzuki had arranged and planted them showed as well.  It looked like the flowers were carefully placed to each other, like how you find crayons in their box.  Everywhere you looked in the garden, you could find at least several flowers blooming up at you from daisies to tulips to lilies to other flowers that Hisoka has never seen before.

Every plant seemed healthy and well taken care of.  Nowhere did Hisoka see any sort of dead brown leaves or weathered greens.  Some of the plants were just green.  Some had their own flowers growing on them.  Others were like vines, green with a yellowish tint to them that wove around the small fence to the garden, with white flowers blooming to life on them.

A small pond was off to the left center of the entire place.  Normally, pond water tended to get murky after a while so you couldn't see the bottom of it.  But it was obvious to Hisoka that Tsuzuki must have done something different, as he could see every rock and spot of Algae and even a few goldfish and angelfish that swam by (Which made Hisoka wonder where on earth he got the fish from).

Off to the furthest corners of the garden, there were two small trees.  Hisoka squinted in the distance and noticed that both trees were starting to bear fruit.  In the left corner was a peach tree.  To the right was an apple tree.  A few feet from both trees stood another part of the garden and Hisoka could make out a few melons growing from the ground along with a few other assorted fruits.

For a moment, Hisoka wondered if what he was seeing was just a figment of his imagination.  It was so breath taking and at the same time, so full of life, that he was almost certain that the plants were calling out to him.

"Are you done gaping?"

Hisoka felt his cheeks flare up and shook his head.  "It's just so…  I mean…  How…" He felt himself blush even more when he heard a small chuckle come from his partner.

"I told you, it takes a lot of work doing this.  But in the end, don't you think it's worth it?"  He asked, spreading his hand out to the garden.

_'It's definitely worth it.  But not because of what I see, but because of how much work I know you've put into it…'_ is what Hisoka wanted to say, but he kept silent and just nodded.  

Tsuzuki dragged him towards the back and told him that today, they were going to care for fruits and perhaps pick a few of the melons that looked ripe enough to eat.  He also instructed the 'do's and don't's of caring for the fruit.  Simple basic things, like the importance of available sunlight and proper watering.  Then there were advanced lessons like keeping bugs from ruining some of the fruit, the dangers of planting seeds too close to one another, the importance of keeping an eye out for newly grown plants, when to tell if a fruit is ripe or not and when you should harvest something or not, being on the lookout for weeds and telling the difference between a real weed and just a plant…

Hisoka learned a lot about gardening and taking care of fruit, but he learned something more important.  Tsuzuki seemed totally devoted to this and honestly knew what he was doing, a side that Hisoka really never noticed to Tsuzuki before.  Although his partner seemed irresponsible on the surface, just looking in the garden spoke different volumes that he was far from an irresponsible child that he seemed to show.  

Hauling a watering can over back to his partner, he let a smile slip by him.  Tsuzuki was willingly showing a side to himself, opening up to him, which meant a lot to Hisoka.  Maybe he would come out to the garden more often.

-

Days turn into weeks, turning into months, slipping by into seasons and before Hisoka knew it, half a year had already past before that fateful day when Tsuzuki had made his confession to him.  Both had seemed to change during that time, which seemed so short to him.

Presently, he was sitting by the window, gazing out into the garden Tsuzuki kept.  Although he kept his hidden promise to come out to the garden more often, he couldn't stay out there for long periods of time, especially when it grew too hot outside.

So many times during these hot days, he would spend them indoors and sit down by the window and read.  Today though, Hisoka couldn't concentrate on what was in front of him.  He noticed the words on the pages, but for some reason, they didn't seem to 'click' inside his head.  He closed the book and leaned back into his chair.  He turned his head toward the window.

Tsuzuki was squatting down on the ground, digging at something in the ground.  Occasionally, he would wipe the sweat that seeped across his forehead and went back to the task at hand.  He didn't look up to the window and failed to notice the emerald eyes that followed his every movement.

Hisoka took notice of what his partner was wearing, a worn out short sleeved dress shirt that was smeared with dirt and a pair of brown shorts that were knee high.  Then Hisoka started taking notice of other things, like the way Tsuzuki brushed his chocolate brown bangs away from his amethyst eyes when they got in the way, the way drops of sweat dripped down his face, the way his lips opened and closed, his pink tongue darting out to wet them occasionally…

It was then Tsuzuki finally took notice of his audience and turned to the window, smiling and waving at Hisoka.  The reaction that Tsuzuki got was the one he expected.  Hisoka's cheeks turning red and him turning away from the window.  He chuckled to himself and went back to work.

Hisoka opened his book and tried to be a bit more productive than just gazing out the window, staring at his partner.  But the harder he tried to concentrate on his book, the more distracted he felt.  Frustrated, he threw the book on the floor, frowning in disgust.  After a few minutes of glaring at the book, like it was the book's fault that he couldn't concentrate, his eyes again trailed back to the window and rested back on the same target as before.

Even when Tsuzuki rose up from his position on the ground, emerald eyes never failed to falter.  For a second, the question, _'Why are you staring at him?' seemed to go through Hisoka's mind and it wasn't until Tsuzuki left the garden to go around to the front door to go back inside that Hisoka realized that he was just sitting at the window and staring.  At Tsuzuki, of all things…_

_'Why **am** I staring at him?'_ Hisoka wondered.  _'It's not like he's going to vanish or disappear.  So why…?'_

The more and more he questioned himself about the fact, the more perplexed Hisoka felt.  And on top of it, his body was reacting differently too.  His heart was beating a bit faster.  He could feel himself blushing, but not out of embarrassment or shame like he normally felt when he was blushing.

But the oddest thing of all was his own feelings.  Normally, he didn't like being touched by anyone, but right now, he desperately wanted to reach out and hold his partner's hand.  Then there was a strange, aching need.  As if he was really thirsty and desperately wanted some water.  Only he wasn't thirsty for water, but…

A hand on his shoulder caught Hisoka by surprised and he felt himself jump a little in his chair.  When he saw it was only Tsuzuki, he berated himself for being rather foolish.  Who else would be in the house besides Tsuzuki?

"Hisoka, I called you about five times and you didn't answer."

"Sorry.  I was…  just thinking."

"About what?"

"It's nothing important," Hisoka brushed off and tilted his head a little.  He noticed that Tsuzuki looked anxious, as if he wanted to ask for something.  In fact, since Hisoka moved in, he noticed that Tsuzuki seemed more and more restless… sometimes as well.  But every time he asked…  "Do you want anything?"

After about a minute, "No…" before turning around and going back to the kitchen.  "Sorry to bother you."

That seemed to always be the answer he got.  And it always came out with a delay.  There was one time where he was sure that Tsuzuki would tell him, in fact, he felt the determination that seemed to radiate around his partner that day.  But after several minutes of silence, the determination dimmed out and he received the typical answer to his question.

Hisoka knew Tsuzuki was keeping something from him.  He never pressed on the issue though, believing that Tsuzuki would tell him what he needed to know in his own time.  Sadly, that belief seemed unlikely to come true, and perhaps it was about time to confront Tsuzuki about it.

What Hisoka did notice though, was that in every one of those incidents that it happened, Tsuzuki's feelings and thoughts were always the same.  The feelings around him seemed to be a mixture of longing and want with fear and guilt.  Hisoka couldn't understand the connection to these feelings at all, as it didn't make any rational sense to him.  The longing and want seemed like that Tsuzuki wanted to ask Hisoka something, but fear and guilt kept him back, then again, he felt the desire come from him, a desperate sort of feeling…  

Why didn't Tsuzuki come out and say it if he wanted to say it so desperately?  Was he afraid of what Hisoka might say or do?  Does he feel guilt about what he wants to say?

There seemed to be some tension around them at those times.  Sure, Tsuzuki would seem like to slip back into habitual routines and pretend nothing ever happened, but Hisoka always took note of it and tucked every incident in the back of his head, trying to come to some sort of conclusion to this.

In actuality, though, things with Tsuzuki could never come to a straight conclusion until all the facts were laid out before Hisoka.  And the way things were going now, more than likely, Hisoka would never get the last fact out until he took the next step.  And quite frankly, he was getting sick of the tension that seemed to between them.  

Up till now, their relationship seemed to be going so well and going for the best.  Hisoka was not about to just let this tension to build up to when the truth finally did come out, that it would damage what they both had worked hard to build.  He also felt that he was so close to the answer he needed, and firmly believed that perhaps the missing puzzle piece laid within what Tsuzuki wanted to say to him.

Taking a deep breath and calming himself, he got up from his seat and strolled into the kitchen, where his partner was cutting apart a few melons, probably to throw in the refrigerator for later.  Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka, and was about to ask what Hisoka wanted, but it was Hisoka who spoke first.

"Tsuzuki, we need to talk…"


	4. Part 3 Climax

Hello, and welcome to the FINAL part of Heart to Heart.  First off, I apologize to all my readers for keeping this part for so long.  With college, it didn't make writing this easy.

First all, let me explain some things.  There are two versions of this part.  The one uploaded here is your PG-13 version.  However, there IS an NC-17 version as well.  Yes, a lemon was written for this part (My first one, god. *blushes*) and you can find that at my fic blog, which is under my profile.

This part is long, even without the lemon, it's over 8k for words, discluding the epilogue at the end.  So I hope you all enjoy it!

Also, I didn't explain where the title came from!  'Heart to Heart' is the opening song to the anime Star Ocean EX (You can find the translation to the lyrics here:  ) and I thought it fit well with the way this fic came out to be.

I'd like to thank Rinoared for beta-ing this fic.  I'd like to thank everyone who left a review for this fic.

Okay, enough author's notes.  Enjoy the ending!

Part 3 - Climax 

"Tsuzuki, we need to talk…"

An odd look, one of confusion, was the first response that Hisoka got from the older man.  It lasted for a second before he smiled.

"Sure, just let me finish cutting this up and…"

"No.  We really need to talk.  As in right now."

As expected, apprehension came from the older man.  "Is something wrong?"

A nod came from the young teenager.  "Yes, and it needs to be talked about right now."

Tsuzuki put down the knife he was holding and looked at Hisoka.  He noticed the young teen starting to fidget under his gaze.  "O…okay," He answered and started roaming through the cabinet.  "Just let me put this away, it'll only take a…"

"Tsuzuki, please…" Hisoka pleaded and tugged on the sleeve of Tsuzuki's shirt.  This came as a shock to the older man.  Normally, Hisoka was never persistent when he wanted to talk.  When he needed to tell Tsuzuki something, he would wait patiently aside and then speak his mind.

However, this time…  

"But the melon will spoil if I don't put it away!" Tsuzuki protested, which was part true, but part of him was extremely worried and Hisoka's persistence was beginning to frighten him.  

A blush crossed pale cheeks.  "I…I know!  But…  this is really important.  I wouldn't interrupt otherwise."

All thoughts about the melon being spoiled were put aside after that was said.  Because what Hisoka said was the simple truth.  "A…all right."  Leaving the melon on the counter, he followed Hisoka out to the living room and plopped himself down on the blue couch.  Hisoka sat next to him, a few inches away from where Tsuzuki sat; a respectful distance, which Tsuzuki took note of.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I…  I want to ask you a question."

"What?"

"Do you want anything?"

Tsuzuki cocked his head to one side.  "What?  I don't want…"

"Don't say you don't want anything!" Hisoka interrupted in a sharp tone, which made Tsuzuki jump from his seat.  "I just…  I know there's something you want to tell me or that there's something you want, but you're hiding it from me."  Hisoka looked directly in Tsuzuki's eyes.  "Don't you trust me enough by now that I won't get mad and just walk away?  I thought we got passed that barrier already."

"It's not that I don't trust you." Tsuzuki answered and looked away from Hisoka.  "I just don't…  think you're ready for…"

"Tsuzuki, look at me."

Tsuzuki turned his head to face Hisoka, but avoided his eyes, deathly afraid of what would happen.  He knew he was treading on a very thin line right now and what might be said could very easily snap that line.

"Tsuzuki, please look at me…"

He couldn't deny the request after hearing that pleading voice.  Fear still wreaked havoc on himself.  His insides felt like jelly and he knew he was trembling just a little.  And he knew that his shields were lower than they normally were, because Hisoka was looking at him with concern.

Then, something happened that instantly wiped away all fear that had built up on him.

Small arms made their way around Tsuzuki's neck and pulled him downwards.  A gasp of surprise slipped by his lips at the sudden action, but he made no move to protest.  He let himself relax as he felt a small hand ruffle through his hair and the other pulling him closer to the warm body he was currently using as a pillow.  Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki wondered for a moment if he was just having another dream.

"No, this isn't a dream…"

Tsuzuki chuckled to himself.  Of course, Hisoka would hear what he was thinking.  He did have some telepathic powers as well.

"I just want to know what's been on your mind." Hisoka explained.  "I know you might not think I'm ready to hear certain things.  I can understand your fears.

"But like I told you before, you won't ever know if I'm ready to deal with something or not till you tell me.  You can't predict my every reaction to something.  You can assume things, but assuming doesn't get us anywhere and it can sometimes bring more harm than good."

And Tsuzuki knew exactly what Hisoka was referring to.

"So tell me what's wrong.  What do you want, exactly?"

"I…  It's just…" He ended up trailing off as he felt soft fingers combing through his hair.  The gesture was small, but to Tsuzuki, it meant so much.  He almost didn't hear what Hisoka said next.

"I'm here, Tsuzuki.  I'm not going to run away.  Just tell me exactly what you want."

"This."

"What?"  The confusion was apparent in Hisoka's voice.

"What you're doing right now."

Tsuzuki felt his fears coming back in full force when he felt the hand suddenly stop its movements.  "What do you mean?"

"I just want…  more," he managed to choke out.

"More?"

Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki decided again to let his heart do the talking.  "I know that we do a lot of things together.  But…  it doesn't seem like enough to me.  There are times where I just…  want to reach out and take hold of you and just sit like that for a while and nothing more.  There are other times where I just…  want more than what I have.  And I just…" Tsuzuki took that moment to open his eyes and noticed the shocked expression on Hisoka's face.  "Hisoka?"

The young teen didn't move for a minute.  The moment of shock must have passed as Hisoka's face went back to unreadable.  "Tell me more…"

"Are you sure you're…"

"I'm okay, Tsuzuki," Hisoka reassured him.  "Go on.  I want to hear more."

A small curt nod came from Tsuzuki before he continued.  "You already know how I feel about you.  I didn't think it would ever change, but it has."

"What are you trying to say?" Hisoka asked, hoping his voice wouldn't crack. _'What am I getting all upset about?  Am I…  afraid?'_

"It's changed from just wanting your company to wanting… something else."  Here, a sheepish grin crossed the man's face.  "It's so hard putting these things into words.  But I want to be closer to you."

"Aren't we close to each other now?" Hisoka questioned.

"Well, of course we're close now.  But…"

"But?"

"I just want to be more than…  a best friend or a family to you.  I want to show my love for you in…  other ways."

"What sort of ways?"

A blush crossed Tsuzuki's cheeks here.  How was he going to explain this to Hisoka without stuttering and sounding like a total fool?

Hisoka must have caught on though, as he nodded his head.  "I thought so."

"Huh?  Hey, were you just teasing me!?"

A small smile crossed the young teen's lips.  "More like testing you."  The smile faded as soon as it came.  "I'm not as ignorant as you take me for, Tsuzuki.  It's just…  this is all so new to me and I don't want to do anything wrong…"

"You can't do anything wrong," Tsuzuki remarked.  He rolled himself over from the position they were in so he could look at Hisoka's face. "I just don't want to rush you.  I mean, I don't know how you are with…  this kind of thing…"

"Physical intimacy."  Tsuzuki winced at the bluntness of Hisoka's reply.  "Tsuzuki, listen to me.  I know what happened to me…" Hisoka paused as a shiver ran through him.  Tsuzuki opened his mouth, but Hisoka shook his head, not wanting to be interrupted.  "I accepted what happened to me back then.  I know it wasn't the same as what we have right now."  His left eyebrow lifted.  "And you're nothing like Muraki, so you might as well get that thought out of your head right now."

A chuckle escaped Tsuzuki's lips, but he stopped as Hisoka leaned forward.  Hisoka's eyes were targeted onto his own, as if they were searching for something.

"I'm not going to let what Muraki did to me ruin any sort of chance of a physical relationship.  I can't let what he did run my life.  It doesn't make me hate him any less, but if I did that, then it would show that he still has power over me and…" Emerald eyes closed shut and Tsuzuki felt Hisoka quiver slightly.

"I know, Hisoka…" Tsuzuki answered, running his fingers through Hisoka's hair.  "I just don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable…"

"I'll let you know if I feel uncomfortable.  Besides that, there's an underlining difference between what happened to me back then and what's between us…" Hisoka brushed his fingers across Tsuzuki's cheeks and smiled.  "What if I told you that I've been feeling the same way as you do?"

Hisoka almost laughed when he saw Tsuzuki's cheeks becoming red.  "W…what do you mean?"

"Now you know how I feel when you do that to me," Hisoka answered bluntly.  When Tsuzuki's eyes widened and gaped like a fish, he couldn't hold back his laughter.  He expected Tsuzuki to pout and whine about being laughed at.  But he was ill prepared for what he did say.

"Hisoka…  I think that's the first time I've seen you laugh before…"

The mirth that was in the room started to die out.  "Is it wrong to laugh now?"

"No, no, of course not!" Tsuzuki replied immediately and shook his head.  "But it's just so strange to see you like this.  Not in a bad way, of course!  But…  it's just that…  I've never seen you so open before."

"I trust you.  I know it's a short answer, but it's just the simple truth."

"I think I understand though," Tsuzuki answered with a smile, leaning in close to Hisoka, that their foreheads were touching.  Hisoka sucked in a breath at the warm feelings coming from his partner.  "I'm just…  I'm so glad that you've come to trust me.  It means a lot to me."

And Hisoka knew Tsuzuki's words ran true.  For as long as Hisoka could remember, he always pushed Tsuzuki away, deathly afraid of being hurt and left alone.  But what would have hurt him the most was being betrayed by Tsuzuki.

But coming to live with him in the past three months, he came to realize that Tsuzuki would never leave him.  How could someone, who only wanted him to open up and cared for him deeply, betray him?  

Tsuzuki was never a person who would intentionally hurt people or cause them harm.  In fact, Tsuzuki was probably the only person Hisoka knew that cared for people on a deep level, putting their needs before his own.

Which he was doing right now.  Holding back what he wanted to do, out of respect for Hisoka's past.  Feeling deathly afraid that if he crossed a line that Hisoka wasn't ready for.  Feeling that if he crossed that line, it would be the one thing that would make Hisoka leave him.  

_'It's so silly that both of us fear one of us leaving other.  Both of us share the same fear, but with different reasons.'_

But the fear needed to be conquered.  And not just on Hisoka's part alone.

"You do trust me, don't you?"  Hisoka asked.

"Of course I do!"

"Then…  trust me enough to know that I'm not going to leave you.  And that you can talk to me too and tell me what's on your mind.  And…  I'm certainly not going to leave you if you want something.  You just need to tell me, instead of making me guess, because you never know if it's okay or not if you don't tell me.

"Promise me from now on, if you want something or want to do something, you'll tell me?"

A smile crossed Tsuzuki's lips.  "I promise…" His eyes started to sparkle with innocence and curiosity of a child.  "Then you don't mind if I…"

"No…"

And when Hisoka felt Tsuzuki's lips brush across his own, there were no more words needed then, that one simple action conveying more than what words could ever do.

-

Not much changed between Hisoka and Tsuzuki.  The days went by as they normally did; only there was an occasional hug or cuddle from Tsuzuki, who seemed to take great joy at doing that to Hisoka when he least expected it.  Like hugging him when he had his back turned or when he was in deep thought and sometimes at work, which earned him a whack on the head.

Right now, Hisoka was comfortable with hugging and cuddling with Tsuzuki, but not openly out in public.  He could see the smirks and the quiet laughter from people around him and from his fellow co-workers (which, of course, Tsuzuki seemed to be oblivious to) and it made him feel uncomfortable.

Whenever he brought it up to Tsuzuki, he would simply laugh and say, 'Awww, they're just jealous!' or 'You shouldn't think so much into what others think.'  The first one earned him a slap, but when Tsuzuki told him not to worry about what others think, he didn't have the heart to counter or berate Tsuzuki, because partly, he was right.  But he was wrong too; as it just wasn't proper to be intimate out in public, especially not when they were at work!

But it seemed that no one truly minded.  Not even Tatsumi, who would show a small smile every time he walked in on them when Tsuzuki was feeling 'touchy feely'.  He would then clear his throat and state that they should get back to work and 'save those things for after hours', to Hisoka's total embarrassment.  And what made matters worse is that his embarrassment showed on his face, which made him a target to Tsuzuki's teasing.

When they were in the privacy of their home, however, Hisoka didn't mind the attention that Tsuzuki gave him.  In fact, he welcomed it, craving the warmth and comfortable feelings from his partner.  It felt natural to him.  Like his 'home' was in Tsuzuki's arms and that he only felt at 'home' when they were close to each other.

What scared him the most, however, was how much he craved and wanted it.  He almost expected Tsuzuki to come seek him out and have a 'cuddling session' with him.  What was worse is there were times where he wanted the attention so much that he would purposely seek Tsuzuki out.

When he did though, he never told his true purpose, but made up some sort of excuse.  Like looking for a book he misplaced.  Or wanting to talk to him about paperwork.  And even sometimes asking him whose turn it was to do a certain chore like vacuuming the floor.

He knew that Tsuzuki had to have some sort of idea what he was doing, but he never said anything.  He only smiled and stayed on topic of their conversation, never questioning why Hisoka was suddenly coming to him.  After that, it seemed like Tsuzuki caught on and would guide Hisoka to the couch.  

Sometimes, he would flip on the TV, but most of the time, they sat and spoke to each other about the day's events.  Sometimes, they wouldn't say anything at all, knowing words that weren't needed, just simply enjoying the closeness that they shared.

However, after two months of this simple routine, Hisoka noticed that Tsuzuki never went beyond cuddling and hugging; despite the kiss they shared not too long ago.  Several times, Hisoka thought Tsuzuki would kiss him again, which made him feel nervous and excited at the same time, but it seemed that Tsuzuki would always pull back at the last second.

Hisoka didn't know whether he should again berate his partner for holding back or if smacking him would have a better effect.  He came to the conclusion that neither would probably work.  Even if Tsuzuki told him that he wouldn't hold back anymore, he still would, despite the protests, and he always would, unless Hisoka did something different besides talking.

An idea came to mind.  He had no idea how Tsuzuki would react to it, though.  Perhaps he might even scare him away.  However, he decided that the risk was worth it.  Better than the standstill they seemed to unconsciously create. 

One afternoon on their off day, he noticed Tsuzuki sitting on the couch, seemingly engrossed in a TV program he was watching.  He didn't notice Hisoka at all, who walked into the room and sat down next to him.  He didn't even notice when the small lithe body slid closer to him.  It was when Hisoka grabbed his cheeks, turned his head to look into determined eyes and felt warm lips press onto his own that he finally took notice.

When Hisoka pulled back from the kiss, he almost laughed at the stunned expression that was left on his partner's face.  Obviously, he wasn't expecting what happened.

"Hisoka?  Why did you…"

"Well, talking didn't seem to work with you.  And I don't think I could whack you enough for you to get the message either," Hisoka explained bluntly, trying very hard to maintain a straight face.  "So I figured taking the initiative would have the effect I needed."  Here, a smile crossed his lips as he observed the hand that touched the lips he kissed not too long ago.  Shyly, he asked, "Did it work?"

A return smile came from the older Shinigami.  "I was wondering when you would do that."

"Eh?"

"Well…  I knew you told me to not hold back.  And I wanted to…  you know," Tsuzuki explained with a sheepish grin.  "But…  what I wanted most was for you to come to me."

A scowl crossed Hisoka's face.  "You **knew** then!?"

"I had the theory in mind, especially when you started coming to me for just random inane stuff.  It's not like you to do that."

Right then, Hisoka wanted to hide his face in embarrassment.  _'All this time, he knew what I was up to…'  The best he could do at the time was covering his face with his hands._

"I just had to wait it out little by little, knowing you would get eventually frustrated.  And it worked!" Tsuzuki took his partner's hands and tipped his chin up so he could look into his partner's face, which was already red from embarrassment.  "Maybe this time, you can follow your own advice too?  Without the subtle hints.  Besides, there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

"Wanting comfort or closeness isn't something to be ashamed of, Hisoka.  I think that, deep down, for a long time, you wanted that, but you were always so…  scared of it."  Here, he took one of Hisoka's hand in both of his, caressing the knuckle with his thumb.  "Being open with yourself and seeking the comfort of someone you care about isn't a weakness, as everyone needs it.  And if you want it, I can gladly give it to you.  You just need to let me know and how far we should take it…"

Hisoka chewed his lower lip in a nervous gesture.  In a way, Tsuzuki's words hit closer to the truth.  So why did those simple words make him uncomfortable?  And what did Tsuzuki mean by 'how far they should take it'?  Was Tsuzuki still afraid of crossing a line between them?  Where, exactly, did the line stand between them?

Those simple questions needed answers if he was able to come to the conclusion he needed to come to.  He knew the answers lied deep down inside of him, but trying to fish them out was like trying to pry Tsuzuki away from sweets!  

Hisoka gave Tsuzuki an affirmative answer with the nod of his head.  Right now, he would honor Tsuzuki's request.  Maybe doing that would get him closer to what he was seeking.  He had confidence that he would have the answer soon enough…

-

Time seemed to flow like a river within the next few months.  Fieldwork cases were rare and between and Hisoka knew why Terazuma seemed upset that someone as powerful as Tsuzuki worked in such a slow division as KyuShu, feeling his own powers going to waste when he should be out there, doing his share of work.  Then Hisoka remembered exactly what they do and how they affect Tsuzuki.  

On the one hand, they ended up cooped up in the office, doing nothing but inane paperwork.  But on the other hand, if they did go out into the field and someone died…

Hisoka wasn't sure if he was glad that there seemed to be less cases coming in or annoyed.  

When they did have the rare chance to go out with a case, it usually took them a day or so to figure out and then before they knew it, they were back at the office and back to paperwork.  This wouldn't be so bad if it was only a few weeks, but it was like this for most of the year!  And it started to get on Hisoka's last end.

But when the first case in the month came in and at the end result, Hisoka almost changed his mind about the mundane-ness of life.  The case was a simple one; a soul never made its way for judgment.  The victim was a young female in her mid teens.  Her immediate family was dead, she had only a few friends and her grades in school were average.  A normal typical teenager.

The cause of death was suicide…

They found the girl in less than a few hours in a park that she normally walked through when she was on her way home.  It didn't help that she was the "typical" angsty teen either, to Hisoka's displeasure.  How bad their life had been, how suicide was the only answer, etc.  And it didn't help that this teen refused to go with them.

During these cases, it was Tsuzuki who did most of the talking, as Hisoka was far from a people person and when he did the talking once, he lost his temper so badly; they ended up taking a lot longer than was needed.  Besides that, Tsuzuki had a way with words and people.  People seemed drawn to him in unexpected ways that Hisoka could never find an answer to.

This time, however, the teen was stubborn and flat out told Tsuzuki that there was no way he could understand the choice she made.  Hisoka was just about ready to just drag the girl back to Meifu, but Tsuzuki raised his hand.  He explained to Hisoka that they needed a few minutes alone to talk, and they walked a few feet away from him.  Hisoka couldn't hear the conversation between them, but he was able to pick up the emotions.  However, tonight, Tsuzuki's shields seemed to be raised quite high and for the life of him, he couldn't pick up a damn thing.  However, the girl had no empathic shields and he concentrated on her.

The first emotion he picked up on was anger.  Well, that seemed reasonable, given the way she was recently.  The second emotion was shock, which made Hisoka wonder what exactly Tsuzuki said at the moment.  The next emotions he found were grief and extreme guilt and they were so strong that Hisoka had to put his shields back up before he got overwhelmed by it.  Not too soon after that, however, Tsuzuki walked up to him with the girl in tow, having decided she would go with them.  

At the time, Hisoka didn't ask what Tsuzuki said to the girl.  It wasn't until they were in the privacy of their home that Hisoka asked Tsuzuki about it.  And of course, like Hisoka predicted, Tsuzuki managed to avoid the subject at hand with quirks and 'it's not important, what matters is the results' routine.  Before Hisoka could open his mouth to demand an explanation, Tsuzuki stated he was going to take a shower; walking to the bedroom and closing the door, leaving the tension between them linger in the air.

It wasn't unusual for Tsuzuki brush off Hisoka when it came to talking about these types of things.  In the past, there were times when Hisoka wanted to desperately talk to Tsuzuki about him.  Back then, he would always tell himself that it wasn't any of his business and that in due time, Tsuzuki would be willing to share or talk to him.

Now, however, that excuse just didn't cut it anymore.  Especially considering how much closer they've become.  And it wasn't fair for Tsuzuki to keep everything inside either.

So Hisoka sat down on his bed and waited patiently for Tsuzuki to come out.  He did have a feeling that Tsuzuki knew that he was waiting for him.  Tsuzuki usually only spent thirty minutes, at most, in the shower, but he didn't come out for almost a hour, which made Hisoka wonder for a moment why his skin wasn't crinkled like a prune.

One look in Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes and Hisoka knew what had happened.  And it wasn't because Tsuzuki got soap in his eyes either.

It was so hard to confront Tsuzuki on these matters, especially when he was trying to avoid it.  One wrong word or one wrong move and they could end up taking a step backwards instead of forwards.  If Tsuzuki got it into his head that he didn't want to share his thoughts and feelings to spare someone the pain, then he stuck by it for a very long time.

However, Hisoka wasn't going to have none of that anymore.

His emerald eyes watched his partner walk to the dresser, looking through for a fresh change of clothes.  Finding them, he sat down on his bed, not taking any notice of Hisoka, but it was obvious that Tsuzuki knew Hisoka was watching him.  After putting on a fresh pair of pants, he finally looked up, a smile on his face.

"What?  Do I still have soap in my hair or something?" He asked jokingly.  Hisoka, however, saw right through Tsuzuki just then.  The smile that reached his face but not his eyes…

And in that moment, something seemed to snap inside of Hisoka.

Getting up from his own bed, he walked over to Tsuzuki, the false smile fading slightly.  He felt a tiny bubble of fear rise in Tsuzuki just then, and then total shock as Hisoka pushed him down to the bed.  Amethyst eyes widen in panic as the teen loomed over him, his eyes locked onto their counter-part.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop hiding yourself from me?"

"Hisoka…  I'm not…"

Hisoka shook his head.  "You're hiding what you're feeling right now, what happened with that girl.  I know you said something to her that made you get upset.  Do you…" He had to swallow the lump that seemed to form in his throat before he continued.  "Do you not trust me still?"

"It's nothing like that!" Tsuzuki countered quickly, turning his head away.  "I just…  I don't want to drag you down or make you upset."  A sigh escaped his lips as he continued.  "I don't want to chase you away either…"

Cupping Tsuzuki's cheek, Hisoka looked at his partner and sighed.  "You're not going to chase me away or anything of the sort.  You're always there to comfort me when I'm feeling upset.  Did you ever turn away from me then?"

"No…"

"Then get it through that thick skull of yours that I'm not going to do that either." Hisoka answered, pushing himself up to sit on the bed.  He looked at the wall, sighing to himself as Tsuzuki sat up at well.  "I'll always be here to listen to you, just like you are for me…"

"I…"  Hisoka looked at Tsuzuki, noticing the faraway look in his eyes.  "The girl said I couldn't possibly understand why she did what she did, but I only knew too well.  I told her how I wanted desperately to die, but couldn't.  I…" He looked down, clamping his hand over his right wrist, a small tear escaping one of his eyes.  He wiped it away and laughed hollowly.  "Look at me, a grown man crying over something that happened over seventy years ago."  He shook his head, the false smile appearing back on his lips.  "But I'll be…"

A pair of arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him down interrupted that thought.  Not being able to hold back his tears anymore, Tsuzuki let them flow down his cheeks as he buried his face into Hisoka's shirt, clinging to him as if he was his lifeline.

"It's…  okay to cry, Tsuzuki," He heard Hisoka whisper as he felt a hand comb through his hair.  "I'm right here.  I'm not going anywhere.  Take as long as you need."

And Tsuzuki did just that.  He cried, letting all the inner turmoil of that moment out then.  He cried, cried till he thought he had no tears left, but somehow, they still managed to fall from his eyes.  

His chest started to hurt too and he wondered how long he had been crying for.  How long had it been since he really had cried like this?

But this time, it was different.  The warm body next to him, whispering comforting words in his ear, fingers running through his hair…

And then, the tears stopped.  Bringing his breathing back to some sort of level, he looked up into emerald eyes.

"Feel better now?"

Tsuzuki nodded his head, looking back down.  "It helped…  Thank you, Hisoka…"

Hisoka smiled and started to pull away, to go to his own bed.  The small whimper he heard from Tsuzuki stopped him.  "Tsuzuki?"

"Can you…  please stay with me?  I…  don't want to be alone right now…"

He expected Hisoka to say no.  He expected a blush to spread across those pale cheeks.  He expected Hisoka to say 'You're not alone, I'm right next to you' and still go to his own bed.  He expected Hisoka to call him an idiot and stomp out of the room in anger.

What he didn't expect was for the boy to smile at him and pulling him down to the bed, spreading a blanket over them.  He blinked a few times and wondered if Hisoka was teasing him or if this was just another one of those tricks his mind liked to play on him as of late.

"Idiot…" He heard Hisoka murmur.  "Just go to sleep."

Not wanting to disobey Hisoka, he closed his eyes, falling into the ebbs of slumber, a smile on his face and for the first time in a while, feeling content.

-

Days turn into weeks, which turn into months and soon, Hisoka realized, that an entire year had passed since that "fateful day".  It seemed more like a distant dream to him, and sometimes, he wondered if Tsuzuki's confession really happened.

_'So much has changed…'_ He thought while looking out the window into the night sky. _'No, it's more like I've changed.  Tsuzuki…  really isn't any different.  Maybe a little less scared about being open with his inner feelings.  But me…'_

Looking down at his hands, he sighed quietly to himself.  _'When is it that I started to change?  I could say it goes as far back to when I first met him in Nagasaki.  But over this past year, it's been…  different._

_'I let him get away with things that I never used to let him get away with before.  I've…  grown soft.  I talk to him more often than I did before.  I've…  done things that I never thought or promised myself I wouldn't do._

_'What is it that you do that affects me so?'_

Biting his lower lip, he shook his head as if to clear his mind.  Although it's been a year since then, he felt he was no closer to the answer he was seeking.  It was extremely frustrating, because deep down, Hisoka knew he had the answer, but he couldn't figure it out.  Like a distant memory that someone desperately wishes to remember, being on the edge of their mind, but not being able to consciously grasp it.

Hearing the sofa being moved brought his attention back to reality.  Tsuzuki was pushing the sofa to the back of the room.  It was just then that he noticed that the small table and the chair, along with the TV, were moved to the walls too.  A scowl crossed Hisoka's face as Tsuzuki turned to him, a goofy grin on his face.

"Idiot, what are you doing moving the furniture around?"

Waving his finger, Tsuzuki shook his head, the grin never leaving his face.  "For room, of course!"

"Room for what?"

It was then he noticed that the small, outdated stereo that Tsuzuki had was on.  Outdated was an understatement, as it still had a turntable on it.  Off to the side was a record.

Hisoka always wondered why Tsuzuki kept records of music instead of buying CDs.  Maybe it was because of how long Tsuzuki lived.  Sometimes, Hisoka noted, that elderly people wouldn't part with the things of their past, even though modern technology was vastly superior.  Although Tsuzuki was far from looking elderly, technically, he was almost a hundred years old.

It was one of those situations that Hisoka would probably never understand until he was of that age.  Inwardly, he winced thinking about it.

He was so wrapped up in thinking that he didn't notice the music that filled the room until Tsuzuki tapped him on the shoulder.

"Thinking about something?"

"It's…  not important.  What's up with the waltz music?"

Tsuzuki's eyes seemed to light up at the question as he grinned.  He took a small bow.  "If it would please, my lord, to have this dance?"

Hisoka just stared at Tsuzuki, as if he had gone mad.  "What?"

"I asked, my lord, if it would please you to be my dance partner for tonight."

"Stop talking like that!" Hisoka scowled, his cheeks turning slightly red.

"Oh, come on, Hisoka!  I was just kidding around with you.  Come on!"  Tsuzuki answered, tugging on Hisoka's hand.

"What?"

"Dance with me."

Hisoka knew Tsuzuki liked to dance.  During the second case of their partnership, Hisoka learned that Tsuzuki knew how to dance.  He had seen Tsuzuki dance on occasion, from an old fashion waltz to modern day dancing, although Tsuzuki tended to favor ballroom dancing above all else.

And from the music that Tsuzuki put on, it seemed tonight, he wanted to waltz.  However, Hisoka had no interest, let alone desire, when it came to dancing.

"No." Hisoka instantly answered.  This time, the tides decided to turn and it was Tsuzuki now doing the scowling.

"Come on!  It'll be fun!"

"I…  can't dance," He used as an excuse.  "Especially not some old fashioned waltz you have in mind."

"Then I'll teach you."

A sigh escaped Hisoka's lips.  "Do I even have a choice in this matter?"

"Nope!" Tsuzuki piped, tugging Hisoka to his feet.  "So get up and get it over and done with!"

"Alright already!  Stop tugging on my hand!"

An eye roll came as Tsuzuki pouted and mumbled something about 'Hisoka being cranky tonight'.  Hisoka was tempted to walk away, but settled with a scowl, as Tsuzuki would just find some way to drag him back.  When Tsuzuki wanted to do something…

Hand in hand, Tsuzuki guided Hisoka to the center of the room, the smile on his face never faltering.  He looked up at Tsuzuki, biting his lower lip, unsure of what to do.

"We'll start out simple.  First, place your right hand on my shoulder," Tsuzuki instructed, to which Hisoka complied with.  "Then place your other hand here."  The spot where the other hand was to go was near Tsuzuki's waist, which caused the young teen to blush, but kept his face turned towards the ground.  "And I'll lead."

Hisoka nodded his head, his eyes glued to his feet as he felt himself being led into a brisk, but light dance.  Nervousness started to bubble to the surface, frightened of stepping on Tsuzuki's feet or scared of something else, he couldn't say.  A hand cupped his chin and forced his face upward.

"Keep your face upwards.  The more you look at the ground, the more likely it is that you will miss a step," Tsuzuki explained, his smile gentle.  A nod came from the teen and from the soft laugh that came from Tsuzuki; he knew he was still blushing.

"Hisoka, just relax.  You're not going to step on my feet.  You're doing fine."

Hisoka nodded his head again, but that still didn't quench the bubble of worry inside of him.  And it didn't help that he found himself slowly pressed closer to Tsuzuki. 

The music in the background was soft, and even though when the first song ended, they danced right into the next song, which was typically a soft slow song as well.  Although the songs themselves were different, the melody in the air was the same.  For the time, Hisoka's mind drifted away as he felt himself being taken away by the song and the soft emotions that he felt from Tsuzuki.

Hisoka lost track of the time they spent dancing.  Time really didn't seem to fly by to him, but when he looked at the clock again, he realized that they've been dancing for over an hour.  He mildly wondered why his feet didn't ache and he also realized that he wasn't as tense when he first began.

"That's good, Hisoka," He heard Tsuzuki whisper to him.  "See, you're a natural.  Sure you've never danced before?"

"No, I haven't."

"Hmmm, we must be really in sync," Tsuzuki murmured.  He suddenly bent his head down and whispered, "Or your feelings of love for me are strong tonight."

Hisoka's first reaction to that was to whap him and call him an idiot ten times over.  Especially for ruining the moment that they were sharing currently.  But just as he was going to pull away, he looked at Tsuzuki's face, and unlike the times he usually teased him, not a goofy grin or any thought of joking around with him in sight.

_'Is he being serious, or is this just another one of his games?'_ Hisoka wondered.  He noticed that they had stopped dancing and that the music had stopped, the only sound in the room was the occasional skip of the record.

"Tsuzuki?" He tentatively asked, unsure really of what to do now.

"You remember what I said back then to Hisae?  About your dance partner?"

"Huh?  I'm not sure…"

"That if you wanted to dance well, you had to fall in love with your partner."

And suddenly, with that one sentence, everything seemed to click inside of Hisoka's head in that one moment.

He loved Tsuzuki.  That much was obvious to him.  But now, he knew just how deep that love ran.

The pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall together and come together.  It was so obvious to Hisoka that he felt like the biggest idiot in all of Meifu right then.  The glances that he gave to Tsuzuki from time to time, the reason why he was opening up more and more to Tsuzuki, why he let himself get dragged around by him, why he always insisted to Tsuzuki to open up to him more, wanting to be near him…

So why did it take him a year to realize this simple fact?

And even then, he had the answer.  He was deathly afraid.  No one in his life had ever been as kind as Tsuzuki.  Sometimes, he thought that Tsuzuki was just a figment of his imagination, although that seemed overtly silly.

Betrayal and hatred had been a daily occurrence in his life before he came to Meifu.  Too many times had he been sucked into the emotions of others who loathed him and would lie right to his face.  And he couldn't prevent himself from being caught up in those emotions, having no idea how to control his powers at that time.

But if that hatred and betrayal came from Tsuzuki…  Hisoka realized that it would've hurt him much more than if it was someone else.  Just the thought of it made his skin crawl and panic rise up within him.  Even though he knew inside of his mind and common sense along with logic told him that Tsuzuki would never betray him, sometimes, emotions didn't follow logic or common sense.

It should've been obvious what sort of love Tsuzuki felt when he wanted to kiss him and express his love in "other ways".  

"Hisoka?  You've been quiet for a long time, is something…  Are you crying?"

It wasn't until Tsuzuki pointed the fact out to him that he realized that his cheeks were wet.  Wiping his eyes, he shook his head.  "Idiot…"

"What did I do now!?" Tsuzuki pouted.  Maybe he shouldn't have brought up the fact about falling in love with your dance partner, but it was true, at least to Tsuzuki.  He had no idea saying that fact would upset Hisoka so much…

"Not you.  Me."

"Eh?"

Pulling away from Tsuzuki, Hisoka wiped his face again as he looked out the window.  "What you just said now…"

"I'm sorry, Hisoka!  I didn't know it would make you so upset!  I didn't mean it!"

Hisoka turned and looked at Tsuzuki, his eyes watering up again.  "Liar…  You meant it."

Tsuzuki couldn't think of a counter to that statement.  After all, it wouldn't do him any good to lie to Hisoka.  Not only would he get mad, he would see right through him.

"I'm really sorry, Hisoka.  I didn't think…  saying that would get you upset," Tsuzuki whispered, his head lowered.  "Please forgive me?"

"You think I'm upset at you?"

A perk of the head.  "You're not?"

A sigh came from Hisoka.  "I'm not upset at you.  I'm upset at myself."

"Why?"

"Because all this time, the answer was sitting in front of my face!"

"Answer?"

"To how I felt towards you."  Hisoka turned back towards the window, his hand resting on the glass.  "All this time, it was so obvious to me.  It wasn't until you said about falling in love with your dance partner that I understood how I felt.  I let my fears get to me.  And here, I was telling you not to be scared and trust me…" He shook his head, in taking a breath before continuing.  "Anyways, it was that one thing that made everything much more clear to me."

"So why are you so upset?"  Walking over to Hisoka, Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka, a frown forming on his lips.  "Shouldn't you be happy that you know?"

"I should've known a lot sooner.  It was…  just so obvious and…"

"Hisoka, it's okay.  Sometimes, knowing and recognizing your own feelings takes time."  Tsuzuki smiled softly as he tilted Hisoka's face to him.  "I can understand what you mean perfectly.  About letting fears get to you.  I felt like that for a very long time till…  you know."  Hisoka nodded his head, knowing perfectly what Tsuzuki was referring to.  "What's most important is that now you know how you feel.  I told you, I would wait forever if I had to, you know?"

A nod came from the young teen as he felt himself blush.  "What…  happens now?"

The smile didn't falter from Tsuzuki's lips.  "Whatever you want to do is okay."

"Why are you always leaving it up for me to lead!?" He glared at Tsuzuki as he poked him in the stomach.  "You initiate something for a change!"  Shaking his head, Hisoka sighed, walking over to the stereo.  He browsed through the records until he found one that he knew Tsuzuki played before.  Taking the original record out, he replaced it with another.

"Hisoka?  What are you doing?"

Turning around, he looked at his stunned partner for a moment before looking at the ground.  "I…  want to dance for a little while longer."

"But…  this is a record that has mostly slow songs on it."  An invitation, Hisoka recognized.  That if he wanted to change his mind, he was giving him the offer.

"I know that…  Now are you going to dance with me or are you going to keep me waiting all night?"

Laughing softly, Tsuzuki shook his head, wrapping his arms around Hisoka's waist and pulling him close.  "Slow dancing is a little bit different than from the waltz I was showing you earlier.  Just relax and move your body in tempo with mine."

Nodding his head, Hisoka closed his eyes, letting himself getting caught up in the music and the warm feelings he felt from Tsuzuki.  Moving in time with Tsuzuki wasn't hard to do, especially the speed they were going at.

For a while, Hisoka danced with his eyes closed, a little afraid to look at Tsuzuki and not knowing exactly why.  His heart was beating faster and his body felt warmer than usual.  He felt nervous, that was a given, but something else…

That moment, he looked up at Tsuzuki, who was looking at him, a true smile that clearly showed from his eyes.  A part of him desperately wanted his eyes to look in another direction.  But for some reason beyond him, he couldn't look away.

He knew he was blushing; he didn't need to look in the mirror to know.  But now, he wasn't exactly sure why.  And he couldn't find the energy to turn and hide his blush from his partner.  He wasn't sure if he wanted to, this time, either, drawn into that hypnotic smile.

"Do I have something on my face?" Tsuzuki asked, the smile not faltering once, his face leaning closer to Hisoka's.

"You just know how to ruin a moment, don't you?"

"You know me.  I always have to say something to make you scowl and blush."

"Shut up…" Getting annoyed with Tsuzuki's babbling, he pulled his head down to brush his lips against Tsuzuki's.

The kisses they tended to share were chaste, shy and simple.  And this kiss was like every other one.  Closing his eyes, Hisoka let himself get immersed in the kiss he started.

Maybe it was because of the music, the closeness of their bodies, or because of the emotions that seemed to be shared between them, but tonight, Hisoka didn't just want one simple kiss from Tsuzuki.  And it wasn't till he realized that the kiss he was currently in was turning into something else.  

When he felt a tongue brush against his lips, he almost jumped.  Peeking an eye open, amethyst eyes looked back at him, pleading, yet fearing the response.  When he parted his lips, it was Tsuzuki who jumped a little, and he almost laughed at the irony.  When he felt the surprise from Tsuzuki at how Hisoka wasn't hesitating, he did laugh, but it was lost in the kiss.

Parting from Tsuzuki's lips for a full two seconds, he had time to get a small breath of air before he pulled Tsuzuki back in for another.  Wrapping his arms around Tsuzuki's waist, he totally forgot what he was doing before, losing himself in his own feelings along with Tsuzuki's.

It wasn't until Tsuzuki whispered, "I thought you wanted to dance," and the skipping of the record again that he realized what he was doing with full conscious awareness.

"We are dancing, just not the type of dance you have in mind."

"Then, shouldn't we do this somewhere more comfortable?" Not letting go of him, Tsuzuki started heading for the couch, but stopped as Hisoka shook his head.

"Not the couch this time," Hisoka answered as he gestured his head towards the door.  To the bedroom.  And Tsuzuki knew what Hisoka was hinting at and tried very hard to hide his surprise.

"Hisoka, that's the bedroom."  Tsuzuki almost slapped himself for stating the obvious, but how was he going to try to convince Hisoka out of this?  Was he even ready?

"What?  Are you afraid your bed isn't going to be big enough for the both of us?  We can use my bed or push the beds together so…"

"No, that isn't what I meant.  I…  I won't say I don't want to do this.  But you…  Are you…?"

"You just don't know when to stop babbling, do you?" Shaking his head, he pulled away from Tsuzuki and tugged him towards the bedroom.  "If I wasn't sure or didn't want to do this at all, I wouldn't have suggested it to you.  If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't get your hopes up only to have them crashing down on you."

Did Hisoka even know what he was hinting at?  From the serious look on Hisoka's face, he knew he was perfectly aware of what he was implying.  Sometimes, Hisoka proved to be more intelligent than what he took him for.

However, he had to know for sure.  Just in case.  "But…  this is a big leap from what we were doing before, you know?"

"I know.  I know where this relationship is going to go.  Whether it's tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, it's going to happen, and I'm not going to run away from it or delay it because of senseless fears!"

Even though Hisoka seemed pretty sure of himself, Tsuzuki could tell he wasn't one hundred percent confident.  The look in his eyes and the small crack in his voice gave him away.  "It's okay to be scared, Hisoka.  I'll admit…  I'm a little nervous too."  And he realized he wasn't saying this just to comfort Hisoka, but that, in fact, he was the one who was scared.  "I've…  never done this with anyone before…"  When emerald eyes widened in surprise, he asked, "Is something wrong?"

"You…  you never slept with another person before!?"

"No."

Hisoka would have fell flat on his face if Tsuzuki weren't supporting him.  "You, Asato Tsuzuki, who has almost every single person in Meifu fawning over you, have never slept with any of them!?"

"I didn't **ask** for their attention!" Tsuzuki defended.  Was it really that shocking to Hisoka?  "There were times when I thought about it, but it just didn't…  seem right."

Recomposing himself, Hisoka shook his head.  "Unbelievable.  I'm shocked that you managed to dodge all the perverts for this long…" After a pout from Tsuzuki, a small smile formed on Hisoka's lips.  "I guess…  We'll both learn together then?"

"I said I didn't do this with anyone.  Not that I don't know what to do," Tsuzuki answered, grinning as he shocked his partner for the second time.  "Just… relax.  And if you feel uncomfortable…"

"I'll let you know," Hisoka finished as he rolled his eyes.  "Geez, sometimes, you can be too predictable."

"They say the person you love knows you best!"  Not wanting to wait for another scowl and angry remark from Hisoka, Tsuzuki guided their mouths together as he pushed Hisoka down to the bed.****


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

A light tapping on the window disturbed Tsuzuki out of his relaxed slumber.  He opened his eyes slowly and turned his attention to the window.  The source of the sound was a light drizzle hitting the window panes.  

Turning his head to the clock, he winced at the time; it was well past nine in the morning.  He knew Tatsumi was going to be upset at them and wondered why the phone didn't ring at all when he realized that today was Sunday.  He took in a deep breath and allowed himself to relax.  
  
Something shifted in his arms, which startled him. Normally, Tsuzuki went to bed hugging a pillow or some sort of stuffed animal, as he liked to cuddle something before he fell asleep. It seemed rather childish to the ongoing observer, but it provided him some moderate comfort. At least a pillow or stuffed animal didn't protest the cuddling.  
  
The fact that pillows and stuffed animals don't move was what startled him. When he looked down at the mop of ash blond hair, memories of the previous night came back to him.  He smiled as he ran his hand through Hisoka's hair.  
  
It only seemed like yesterday that he first made his confession, but in reality, it was well a year ago. Time seemed to fly by and tonight, he finally received an answer to his confession, although he was surprised that Hisoka decided to take their relationship further.  It was something unexpected; something he thought wouldn't happen for a long time.  

He sighed softly as he looked out the window, worry and doubt plaguing his mind.  What if Hisoka only did this because he noticed that for all those months, he wanted him in this way?  Or what if he was ashamed of what they've done?  What if he felt uncomfortable now and Hisoka wanted to move out?  Or what…?  
  
He felt a stir in his arms. "Mmmm, Tsuzuki... Be quiet... I was trying to sleep..."  
  
Startled, Tsuzuki looked down into unfocused emerald eyes.  Smiling sheepishly, but feeling a little guilty, he asked, "Did I wake you?"  
  
"...You think too much..."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
Emerald eyes locked onto amethyst. "You do know that... I chose to give myself to you."  
  
"I know, but..."  
  
"Why do you always think so harshly about yourself?"  
  
Tsuzuki didn't have an answer to Hisoka's question.  So many reasons ran through his head.  They were all on the tip of his tongue, but the stern look on Hisoka's face silenced them.  
  
Sighing, Hisoka shook his head and answered his own question.  "Let me guess. Because you feel you have no self worth?"  
  
"...Sometimes..." Tsuzuki whispered hesitantly, trying to raise his shields up, worried that Hisoka would try to purposely read him.  
  
Hisoka sighed to himself, feeling Tsuzuki's shields rising up, knowing all too well that he was trying to hide something.  "You can't hide things from me.  And you can't hide anything from me when we're touching like this..." Fingers entwined themselves in the other's hand.  
  
"I just don't understand how anyone can love me so much..." He trailed off as he felt several butterfly kisses working their way up his neck. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes.  
  
"The better question is why shouldn't they love you the way they do..."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I could give you several dozen reasons why I love you... I love you for who you are... I love how you pout... I love how your eyes light up when you see something sweet... I love when you actually smile and not one of those false smiles... I love your positive traits along with your negative..."  
  
"But..."  
  
His protest was silenced as lips claimed his mouth. He let a small whimper escape when their lips parted and Tsuzuki smiled as a small chuckle escaped his partner's lips.  
  
"You're laughing.  Did you know you look so beautiful when you laugh?"  
  
"Mmmm..." Was all Hisoka said before placing his lips back on the exposed flesh of his neck. Hands roamed across his torso and he let out a satisfied moan.  
  
"You like that?"  
  
"Picking up my bad habits from last night?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
A small giggle escaped Tsuzuki's lips as he ran his fingers through Hisoka's hair.  "I love you..."  
  
"Mmmm, I know... I love you too..." Silence echoed in the room before Hisoka looked back up at Tsuzuki.  "You're not bringing me down."  
  
"Hisoka..."  
  
"I told you, I gave myself willingly to you. I trust you... Now trust yourself... Just have faith..."  
  
"Have faith?"  
  
"Mmmm... Aren't you happy?"  
  
"I don't think I've ever been this happy before in my life... well, afterlife now."  
  
"Then stop thinking that being happy is a bad thing. Because you, of all people, deserve it. I want you to be happy..."  
  
"...Do I make you happy? Does this.... make you happy?"  
  
A frown started to form on Hisoka's lips.  "Why do you ask such silly things?"  
  
"Well, I know…  this might make you uncomfortable…  and…"  
  
"I admit, I did feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but not anymore…" Biting his lip, Hisoka averted his eyes away.  "Also, at one point, I thought the same as you. Why someone could love me..."  
  
"Hisoka, you know..."  
  
A finger on Tsuzuki's lip stopped the retort that was there.  "And I know you'll give me a dozen reasons why you do." A poke to the stomach to empathize his point. "So why don't you take that advice as well? That you deserve to be loved just the same."  
  
"Hisoka..."  
  
Arms wrapped around his waist as he felt his partner's head rest on his shoulder. "So stop berating yourself. I love you... I will always love you... And you can't make me stop loving you."  Tsuzuki laughed softly at Hisoka's words.  "Sleep now.  When we wake up in a few hours, we'll both take a shower.  Then we'll go to the little café down the street for a late lunch.  After, we can come back here and dance a little more…"

"Dancing?"  A playful grin.  "What kind of dance?"

"Any type you want to do."

"Even…  You know…"

"Yes, I said any type, right?  And tonight, I'm on top."  A warm shiver of delight passed through him as he felt Hisoka shift under the blankets, his head resting on his chest.  "Go back to sleep now.  I want you to be well rested in a few hours."  
  
Tsuzuki nodded as he watched emerald eyes close shut. His fingers gently stroked his lover's back and he closed his eyes as well, the ebbs of sleep drawing him back into its embrace. He knew he wouldn't be alone anymore.

And for the first time in his existence, he felt truly happy.


End file.
